There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!
by Polenta
Summary: Arthur relaxes by running his own secret B&B in London. Unfortunately, the obnoxious Alfred has decided to pay a visit to the eyebrow-inator's lair. The other countries aren't oblivious, though! Someone's gonna get screwed! Namely, Matthew, by Gilbert.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, Tis I, British Chocolate. Ha.**

**This is my first fanfiction . and it's in Arthur's point of view, 3****rd**** person. At the start.**

**Heh, it's PruCan, God knows what I'm going to do with that ;) but I'll leave it T for now. **

**I'm English, so COLOUR=Color, blah, blah…**

**Warnings: Bad language.**

**Country names and Personal names are used, because the characters know each other.**

**I do not own Hetalia Axis Powers or Hetalia World Series *I don't like that name D:*, Hideka H does. I bet I failed his name. **

**UnBeta'd , so mistakes are my fault. Please tell me where they are. I have included an OC, Siobhan (Republic of Ireland). I'm not sure if she'll be paired with anyone, and even if she is, it won't be that serious at all. It'll mostly be her getting messed around, in that relationship.**

**I spell Canada's name Matthew. That is one real way of spelling it. It's because I'm failing at French.**

**Summary:**

**Arthur has a secret: he runs a B&B in London. It won't stay secret for long, as, the obnoxious Alfred has decided to pay an uninvited visit to the eyebrow-inator's lair; word's gonna get out, and someone's gonna get screwed! Namely, Matthew by the awesome Gilbert.**

**There's no more room in the bloody inn!**

Chapter 1: French stalkers, British wizards, and American drunks.

Arthur grinned to himself. The first day of business was always quiet. No desperate students barging in the door after being kicked out of their parents' house, no foreign backpackers which Arthur never could understand, and definitely no annoying National Personifications.

Just him, on his own, his old guitar at hand, a pot of tea, and some (bleh) scrumptious tea by his side! He would remain a healthy gentleman, while Yao would most likely work all day, while Francis would get rejected on a rape, while Gilbird would dump Gilbert (gasp), and Alfred would finally die of obesity.

Mwahahahahaa!

With the money he had earned –cough- stolen –cough- as a pirate, and the dosh he had REALLY earned from his years of fame, he had started a B&B. In London. Near his real house. So he could always go and curse Alfred in his spare time. The trouble was evading Ivan, God that guy was creepy! And also avoiding being killed by Siobhan. She should get over the fact half her country is gone. Almost half. Almost quarter. Whatever, he still completely OWNED her. He shuddered at the rather American phrase.

Arthur strummed a chord on the guitar, by putting it down again, momentarily remembering the idiotic things he had done while being a rock star. Francis (rape?)…and getting drunk all the time. Which he still did.

But the tedious times were over….weren't they?

__Like a G6 blasted through the American car's stereo and Matthew squealed as Alfred swerved in front of an old lady, yelling.

"LIKE A HERO, LIKE A LIKE A HERO!" Alfred sang badly, and Matthew squeaked again.

"S-slow down! I'm jetlagged an-d so are you! So don't drive so recklessly! The driving system here is completely different!" Matthew gasped, as an angry beep was aimed at the American car, which Alfred insisted on being imported so he could show how "TOTALLY KICK ASS MY CAR IS!"

It took Alfred about a minute to realise that Matthew had said anything at all.

"Oh, BRO! C'MON! This song is so fricking awesome! Like, AWESOMER than Prussia Gilbert thinks he is! So I gotta drive fast! Brrmmmmmmm!" Alfred zoomed down the motorway, and bashed into a lorry.

Thankfully, nothing happened.

"N-Why are we here, anyway?" demanded Matthew, as fiercely as he possibly could (As fierce as Sealand).

"Dude! Yo! I thought I told your bear thingy? Or I got Tony to tell you, whatever I did, like yay!" Alfred babbled on, not really talking sense. He probably had one too many pints of bourbon, and unfortunately, British police weren't exactly keen on drink driving. He let go of the steering wheel completely, pushing up his rectangular glasses. Matthew could've fainted.

"Are you going to tell me, eh?" Matthew asked again, and Alfred looked up at his almost identical brother. Matthew patted the curl on his own head impatiently.

"Oh, right, Iggy like totally said that I should visit at this second house he's got, right? It's totally a Bed and Breakfast, as he would say." Alfred lied through his teeth, the cocky grin dissipating. "Who's that IGGY in the spotlight ooh, cause she turns me on!" he sang, and Matthew's face literally went *smlooosh*

"Um, I bet Arthur n-never invited us, and when, er, we get there he's going to like kick us out, and you know how expensive the flights are!" Matthew said crossly.

"Artie would never, like do that! He loves us! Okay, he didn't invite us, but, I like…"

"You g-gave Francis, um, your spare keys to Arthur's house, er, if he told you where Arthur goes in the Summer Vacations! Y-you are both such stalkers, eh!" Matthew almost screamed in frustration.

"Fine…ya got me, Canadia."

"I'm CANADA!" yelled Matthew, finally yelling.

Alfred looked a bit taken aback, and 'The Club is Alive' by JLS finished.

The next song was 'What ever happened to the Heroes' by Joss Stone came on. How fitting.

Matthew shook his head. What ever happened to the hero? He got drunk and drove in Britain, that's what happened.

Like it? Love it? Hate it? No flames, but criticisms are welcome! Thanks! Is it funny? Tell me all about it, please! Prussia WILL arrive soon, promise! Food feeds the tramps, and reviews feed the authors.

BritishChocolate. You really should try it. THE FOOD, NOT ME! (France~?)


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh my, a review already! Thanks for watching this story, you guys!**

**I realise now, like an idiot, that I forgot to bold the last bit, because I AM an idiot…oh dear!**

**Please continue with the comfort of knowing that I won't do an idiot thing like that again! Please note that I DO NOT OWN any songs stated in this story, unless I say so! I don't own Hetalia, or any of the characters.**

**IT IS PRUCAN! ME PROMISES! With hints of USA/UK, and FrUK because France is a pervert.**

**Note: Some spelling mistakes are intentional. IE, the way Japan says "Probabry" and grammar when Italy says "*we're going to a be". They're accents.**

There's no more room in the Bloody Inn!

Chapter 2: Arrival of the Idiot and Expectations are HIGH

Outside, 'California Gurls' by Katy Perry began playing, and Arthur shuddered at the _modern _music. What idiot would play that? Alfred?

There was a loud, dreadfully familiar knock at the door of the B&B, which sounded terribly like Alfred's knock. Arthur gulped. What the heck was he supposed to do? Answer it and perhaps get bombarded by Alfred, or not answer it and get a bad review? The music stopped.

Wait. He could definitely take Alfred on! He was such a muppet!

Arthur reluctantly opened the door.

"YO DUDE! It's ME! Alfred! Whooooooo! You said we could stay right?" Alfred exclaimed, patting Arthur on the head, in a disturbingly France-esque way, reminding Arthur that he was quite short.

"I did no such bloody thing! What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Arthur scowled, his green eyes showing anger. Matthew smiled.

"It is a B&B, eh?" Matthew asked, for once being on Alfred's side, and Arthur softened a little bit at the innocent expression on Matt's face.

"Oh, I didn't see you there, chap! Sorry!" Arthur smiled, keeping his mouth closed. His teeth were fine, but Alfred always found something to pick at. 'THAT ONE AT THE BACK IS KIND OF OUT OF LINE!'

"Please let us stay, dude! C'mon, brows," Alfred begged, whipping out a hamburger that looked suspiciously stale, "I gotta hamburger! It's like, better than British food!" Matthew looked at Alfred, in frustration. Now Arthur was back to…

"One. Don't call me brows. Two. That hamburger is stale. And three? British food is the best, your taste buds simply aren't as mature and refined enough to appreciate the quality." Arthur said defensively, still edgy.

"You speak like an old man, Artie." Alfred sighed, tossing his hair, causing a few locals to swoon.

"I'm just educated. You're-," Arthur recalled the moment of KICK ASS PLANES, "retarded."

"Oh man!" Alfred sighed. He straightened his aviator jacket, and Matthew cuddled Kuma…something or other.

"Look. I guess you can stay. Because of the flight fares and everything." Arthur did not want a reputation as a git. That was for Alfred.

"REALLY? OH WOW, YOU'RE THE BEST! WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY, DO WE?" Alfred exclaimed, and pulled Arthur into a tight hug, which would usually squish Matthew, but made Arthur blush.

"N-no. But you're gonna have to share a room!" Arthur said, embarrassed.

Matthew, sensing that his presence caused awkwardness, did the awkward turtle move and said diplomatically,

"M-maybe I should, er, look around! I won't be long, maybe an hour? So, Alfred, um, can you put my stuff with yours?" Matthew asked innocently, before wandering off into London. Bad move, Matthew, bad move.

"Sure thing, dude!" Alfred released Arthur from the hug, and walked in.

"Wow, this place is so cool!" yelled Alfred. "A piano! Ooh, your guitar? Do you still have that porn selection that Germany left at your place once? Oooh, a TV! It's so British!"

Arthur smiled. It wasn't that bad, was it? It couldn't get worse than Alfred being at his house…could it?

**Meanwhile… (Yeah, I put it in this time)**

"Pasta Pasta Pasta Pasta Pasta~!" Feliciano sang, as he sped down the road, Kiku in tow.

"You're driving really fast again! We're in Britain!" Kiku said, his head flopping around due to the severe whiplash which his Japanese diet protected him against. His neat black hair was still in place, but he felt as if his eyes were going haywire and his white uniform was most likely going to be covered in vomit.

"What a are you talking about, Japan? Kiku? It's fine, I'm only a little bit over the speed a limit, ve~. It would be legal in Germany! Why did he go with Prussia instead of me?" Feliciano pouted.

"Itaria-Kun! Probabry because Germans are better drivers than you!" Japan said, as they swerved to avoid a trundling old woman.

"Ve~ we're going to a be at Arthur's new place! He a told me where it a is when he was drunk! Oooh, I love this song!" Feliciano's curl magically stayed in place even though Japan's uniform was creased up.

"Hey Hey You You, So che ti piaccio, No way No way, Non è un segreto, Hey Hey, You You, Sarò la tua ragazza!" Feliciano sang the Italian version of Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne very well, but Japan was concerned because Italy wasn't concentrating on the road.

"Itaria-kun…"

"Oh, I forgot. I'm a sorry! Please call me Feliciano, it is way nicer, ve~ here's your bit of the song, Kiku!"

Kiku shook his head, as he reluctantly sang along.

"Hey hey atashi ni wa wakatteru, No way no way himitsujyanai, Hey hey atashi ga natteageru."

**Meanwhile again…**

"Da~," Ivan said for what must have been the millionth time, his purple eyes shining brightly as Yao followed the speed restrictions.

"Ivan-Aru…." Yao shook his head, driving properly.

"How are you doing, Siobhan?" Ivan asked sweetly, and in the back seat, Siobhan was tied up.

"WHY THE POT OF GOLD must I come with you to visit ARTHUR KIRKLAND? That guy is a right twat!" shouted Siobhan.

"No, that's naughty," Ivan said sickly, turning to face her, and she shut up immediately, and muttered 'Diddly' to herself, or rather, to her magical leprechaun friend.

"That's kinda creepy-aru," Yao said uncomfortably, "She didn't want to come here, she doesn't even really go to the meetings because she gets cursed-aru or something!" he curled his pony tail quickly, and put both hands back on the wheel.

"Da~! That is very cute!" Ivan tossed the water pipe and it hit Siobhan on the head, who cried,

"Damn, what the hell are you doing?"

Yao grimaced. Obviously, this would just egg Ivan on. Stupid Irish ginger…her foul language didn't do her any good. She was still skinny from the Great Hunger.

Ivan hugged Yao very tightly, kind of creepy, so Yao couldn't actually see the road.

He narrowly avoided an old woman.

"YOU YOUNG RAGAMUFFINS! THAT'S THE THIRD ONE TODAY!" she yelled.

"Then drive faster!" Siobhan yelled back, and noticed that Yao and Ivan had stopped hugging, and Ivan was staring at her icily.

"Siobhan, no." he scolded, and she edged away slowly, falling asleep in the car.

**Meanwhile AGAIN…**

"Oh honhonhonhonhon~" Francis laughed Frenchly, as he tossed his wavy hair and carried on driving in the Voiture-de-l'amour (car of love), or, to put it simply, car.

"Mon cher, Angleterre, could never escape le brilliant moi! ~ ohonhonhonhon….I have stalked you throughout the centuries, and you think that I cannot find you in a B&B? You are mistaken!" The French accent was so strong that if someone was writing it down, they might as well put "FRENCH ACCENT" Instead of writing the accent in.

**Meanwhile!**

"Lovino, c'mon! We better hurry so we can get there first!" smiled Antonio. "Amigo!"

Lovino scowled.

"There's a no point if that stupid potato bastard is gonna be there," he said grumpily, "didn't Arthur want to keep this stuff a secret?"

"Si…pero, France always leaves his door open and I looked inside…Bien."

**MEANWHILE!**

"And I'm walking right down the STREET!" Gilbert yelled, the open convertible being driven (reluctantly) by his brother, Ludwig. Ludwig face palmed. The traffic here was so slow…

"Beer, beer, think of the beer…" Ludwig muttered, remembering how he and Gilbert had fought together in the second world war, and then noting mentally that Gilbert could co-operate.

"I'm A LEADER! I'm a WINNER! And I'm cleaner! Cause I'm AWESOME! I don't need you!" Gilbert cranked up the volume, kicking Ludwig's hand every time he tried to change the song. "Again!" Gilbert demanded.

Ludwig felt like the older sibling. He was far more responsible, far smarter, and furthermore…he looked older! Gilbert strutted around with his silver, tousled hair and red eyes, his thin frame and super boots, whereas Ludwig's hair was combed back stiffly, and his formal clothing showed how much muscle he had. No young people had that! Unless they were gay! Which he was…but so was Gilbert-no, Gott knows what Gilbert was…it was rather stereotypical! No, wait, people say that Ludwig is some kind of stereotype sometimes…

"Oi! West! We're gonna go to Arthur's, right?" Gilbert asked suddenly, as soon as the song stopped. Na Na Na by MCR suddenly, came on, and he started singing into it.

"DRUGS GIVE ME DRUGS GIVE ME DRUGS!" he yelled-sang, and once again, Ludwig face palmed. Gilbert didn't even like drugs. Actually, Ludwig threatened Gilbert with British food if he ever tried to do anything like that. That's what brothers do, right? (Lesson from Russia)

Here are the Ludwig/Germany Top Ten Face palm moments!

When Arthur 'forgot' to give Siobhan food during the potato famine.

When Feliciano dressed in Elizaveta's clothes for the day.

When Prussia hit on him.

When Prussia hit on a drunken Arthur.

When Prussia hit on Siobhan when she was Arthur's servant.

When Prussia…

When Prussia called himself awesome.

When Prussia decided he didn't like the name Gilbert after carving it into Big Ben.

When Arthur wrote a book called "Alfred the Git"

When Prussia wrote a song and sang it on worldwide news. Of course, it was in German, so no one really understood it.

Ludwig sighed, and decided to cut off Gilbert's senseless statements, and thought about London. London was pretty cool. The historic buildings were exquisite, and it was rather organised. Except for the train strikes. They kind of sucked. London's history was amazing, and indeed, Ludwig did remember a pilot during WW2 telling him what a beautiful city London was. Ludwig didn't tell his crazy boss.

He didn't really think that he'd be welcome at Arthur's. He had a funny feeling that a bunch of other people were going to be there.

He didn't notice that Gilbert kicked the steering wheel, causing them to scratch an old woman's car.

**Meanwhile…**

Arthur yawned. There were lots of knocks at the door.

"Alright, I'm coming! You get the best service when you're polite!" He sighed. Alfred was being slightly calm for once. Matthew wasn't back. Arthur smiled wanly.

He walked over to the door, and opened it. He stopped, and stared at the number of unfortunately familiar people on the doorstep.

"You've got to be kidding me."

**That's the End of Chapter 2! Thanks for the reviews and watches, guys. I've realised the PruCan isn't very obvious, but trust me, it'll start in the next chapter. I also read through this and thought that it reads a bit like a crack story. It's not, not really, they characters are just excited because they've found where Arthur holes up.**

**If you know what I'm doing wrong (other than it being too crack-y), please tell me! I'll be able to avoid it then!**

**Thanks! I might have to put it up to M…language! Tell me if I should.**

**Explanation time!**

**The song**** Italy and Japan sing are the Italian and Japanese versions of Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. The lines they sing are just the choruses. **

**The great hunger/Potato famine:**** Loads of people in Ireland starved to death, it was very sad. FACT! Lots of people in America are Irish immigrants who moved to escape the famine. That's why Siobhan and Alfred are going to be friends. The amount of deaths could've been seriously reduced if Britain hadn't kept deporting the little food that Ireland produced to foreign countries, which is a major reason why Siobhan and Arthur don't get on.**

**Mon Cher****: my dear in French, masculine. Ma cherie is my dear to girls.**

**Amigo, Si, Pero: ****Friend, Yes, But, in Spanish. Perro=Dog. Pero=but.**

**Bien: ****Good in Spanish and French. In Spanish you pronounce it Bee-yen, and in French it's Bee-yan.**

**PS: Sometimes I'm quick to upload another chapter, other times I'm slow. This is my first fanfic and I am so grateful you like it! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys! Hi! It's me again! I would definitely like to thank you so much for both the positive and the (also positive) honest reviews and the amazing watches, I value all of them! Whee! So cometh the promised PruCan! I shall try to make it a little less crack-y! I don't own any songs mentioned, or Hetalia. I own Siobhan.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 3: Oh, Maple! –eh-**

"I VANT THIS ROOM!"

"I think it's best if I get this room!" 

"I was here first!"

"PLEASE, oh, PLEASE!"

"Eewwww, look, it's Germany's old porn collection…"

"Shut up."

"ME!"

Half an hour later, Arthur collapsed on the sofa. Why? WHY! How on EARTH could they have found him? What the heck was going on? Siobhan KICKED him on the way in, and fricking Belarus kept staring at Ivan through the window! It was bad for business! Good grief!

There were only 5 rooms.

It went like this.

America, Japan, and China in room 1.

France, Germany and Italy in Room 2

Russia, Siobhan, Hungary, and Seychelles (Seychelles hid in Hungary's suitcase. Hungary hid….?) In Room 3

Prussia in Room 4. Why the heck did he get his own room? That's total bollocks!

South Italy and Spain in room 5.

If there was anyone else, they'd either gone home or were sleeping outside. With Hobo Sealand.

To entertain himself, Arthur caught a sleeping Alfred, gave him some headphones, and played "American Idiot" by Green Day really loudly. What fun! Of course, the reaction made Arthur spit out the lovely tea, onto Siobhan, who in turn looked like she'd pissed herself, which made Alfred piss _himself_ laughing.

Where the heck was Matthew?

**Meanwhile…**

"M-maple!" he whispered. On a London bus with a chav. Dear Lord. _Why, why ME?_

"What you trying to say, boy!" said a chav with her hair scraped back into a high ponytail.

"N-nothing!" he muttered, scrunching up in his seat. Of all the people to notice him, a chav did.

"You're funny AND foreign, like boy, I think you're like, dat peng ting boom bruv." The chav kissed her teeth.

"I don't like you!" he squeaked. "Alfred!"

"Who's Alfred?"

"I- I don't think I should talk to you, what, um, language are you s-speaking?" he asked.

"You's got attitude, bruv."

Which couldn't really be any further from the truth.

Alfred jumped off the bus, and ran back to Arthur's house in a hurry. He kept running, holding Kuma…bimbim…in his arms, and skidded to the B&B to find about 5 or so cars in front of it.

Nooo….Maple!

He opened the door with a set of keys left out for him on purpose, fumbling with the fidgety English locks. The door creaked, and there was silence.

"H-hello?" he asked nervously, and immediately, all hell broke loose.

"GET OFF ME!"

"HEY!"

"AAGGGH!"

"M-maple…"

Matthew realised most of the other nations were there. Which wasn't good at all. He dropped Kuma, and sighed. Arthur looked at him sympathetically before going back to reading something with Germany. Probably something for 'Grown-ups'.

"Yo! Bro!" Alfred called, bounding down the stairs. Matthew sighed in relief. Finally…someone who he could talk to without getting hit or ignored. Or being ditched for freaky magazines.

Matthew's face dropped as he saw the guilty look written all over Alfred's face. Alfred scuffed his feet and picked up Kuma-whocares. (Note: Call this number for Kumajiro abuse: .2)

"Um…you know how there's like, loads of people here, right?" Alfred began, hanging his head.

"THAT'S AWESOME!"

Oh, Gilbert was here! Matthew felt his face go red. Maple! Calm down, Matthew, he's upstairs.

"Yeah." Matthew smiled gratefully as Alfred gave Matthew Kumajiro (whoo!). It was hard to believe this guilty Alfred, just 2 months ago, had raving music and was storming down a street singing in Japanese, "HAMBURGER, STURETO!" In his ultra cool car, getting fellow Americans to do the backing vocals. He probably had one too many sushi rolls at Kiku's.

"Well…I kinda forgot about you, dude, and agreed to let two other people to stay with me…" Alfred said guiltily.

"He didn't forget! He's just a git! Turn the page, Germany, I wanna see Alfred in a dress." Arthur called. He was evidently drunk by now. There was no one to protect the world anymore!

"He's not a git! He saved me!" Siobhan protested.

"Da~"

"T-that's okay," Matthew said, when really, he wanted to say, "WHY THE MAPLE DID YOU FORGET? NOW I SHALL USE MY HAND –smackdown contest reference- TO SMACK YOUUUUUU!"

"Ah, really? Bro, you're the best!"

"I don't mind sleeping on the floor!" Matthew said brightly, and clearly. He tried to distract himself. What a nice painting! Oh, wow, the fire's really burning! Haha, look, Ivan's harassing Yao and Bela-what is creeping out Ivan. Oh maple! Someone thinks Siobhan is firewood! She jumped out of the fire quickly, and dove into a pond outside.

"That's not it…Um…You're gonna sleep with Gilbert, ROOM 4!" Alfred spat out the words really quickly, "Oh, look! Siobhan looks pretty mad! I should go hero it out!"

And in a last scene fight style move, Siobhan leapt at Arthur. "I'm gonna KILL YOU! POTTA GOLD, DON'T FAIL ME NOW!"

"Oh, you tart! Irish wanker!"

"Don't you dare diss me! Fricking PRUDE!"

"Guys, look I'm the hero!"

"GET ON MY SIDE, HAMBURGER!"

"MAPLE!" Screeched Matthew, and everything stopped. Everyone looked at him, and he pointed at Kuma-thing. Everyone carried on.

"You shouldn't blame me for everything, you know!" Kumajiro scolded.

"You're not my mom!" he hissed. Mom. Mum. Haha, funny words.

He trailed up the stairs, and stopped briefly. Sleep WITH Gilbert? Oh, Maple!

What happened? Before he set out to explore, everything was alright! Now he had to face the thing he both wanted to and didn't want to face! Gilbert! PRUSSIA!

He took a deep breath, before pushing up his glasses, hugging Kumajiro, and walking up to the door. He moved to walk-and-push it open, looking ultra cool, but someone got there first. Someone opened the door from the inside.

"Eep!" Matthew squeaked, as he walked straight into someone about a head taller than him. He looked up with dread, before jumping back. He blushed furiously.

There stood Gilbert. His lean frame was complimented today by a black jacket and jeans…his super hot-no, maple, no! He wasn't stick skinny like Siobhan…he was more, sort of…fit. He was leaning against the door frame. His silver hair was as messy as ever, and he was still the pale albino Matthew saw 4 months ago. The worst thing…or the best thing…was his face.

Matthew bit his cheeks and looked up at Gilbert. Could he meet the other's eyes?

The perfect features of his face were right there. His skin was flawless…and his mouth was twisted into a natural smirk, his eyebrows slightly raised and those crimson eyes staring at Matthew. Maple!

"You're speaking to the definition of awesome, how may I help you?" he asked.

"Ummmm….I'm…staying….with…you." Matthew squeaked, and Gilbert's smirk widened into a grin.

"You're staying with me? That's awesome…" Gilbert muttered to himself, overjoyed at the fact such a cute boy was staying in his room. The curl upon his head, the dirty blond hair, the innocent face, and the quaint oval glasses.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, dude. I don't like paranoia in my room. Go to China's room for that, if you're so un-awesome." Gilbert upheld his awesome aura with a great deal of effort.

Matthew averted his eyes from Gilbert as he slid his jacket off.

"Kesesesesese," sniggered Gilbert. He knew that Matthew totally wanted to see Gilbert take off his jacket (and the rest of his clothes) but was too much of a…um…something to say so.

A glass smashed downstairs. Evidently, the fight between Siobhan and Arthur had escalated. Now it sounded as if Russia and Belarus were involved. It's WW3!

Where the heck was Francis?

"GET OF MY ARSE, BLOODY WANKER!" yelled Arthur. Smash.

"Oh, honhonhonhonhonhon~"

There he was.

Matthew sighed, as he saw that his bags were already in the room, so he picked them up to put them somewhere more convenient. He shook his head, and put Kumajiro on the bed. He tried not to look at Gilbert. The hot Gilbert. Oh, maple, he had one less piece of clothing on…

Something hit him. Not just the amazing smell of Gilbert. He gasped aloud, and dropped his bags. He heard footsteps, and suddenly felt someone pressed up the back of him, and blushed brighter red than Siobhan's hair, and Francis' face after being bitch slapped a billion times.

Something warm. Yes…YES! It was Gilbert! Um…Maple! He shivered as he felt Gilbert's lips brush the nape of his neck. This was so unorthodox! Cue angry Irish priests. But Matthew didn't give a maple. In your MOM's face, Siobhan! And your NAN's.

"Is something the matter?" the familiar Prussian voice asked seductively, grabbing Matthew's wrist. Matthew gasped. The moment couldn't be ruined by the cat like yowl Belarus emitted when Siobhan chucked the pot of gold at her head.

Drunken Europeans.

"T-There's only one bed!"

**Mwahahaha! A cliff hanger! A quick update? Would you like to know why? I thought so. I've got school and an EXAM tomorrow, methinks. And injections . maybe. So, yeah. Thanks for the reviews and watches and favourites and EEEEEE! I'm sorry if it's not good…More reviews can express your feelings~**

**I use MOM in American speaking people, and MUM for everyone else. You get it? :D Love you guys, it's my birthday soon! .**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my God! You guys have posted the loveliest reviews ever! And you've watched and favourite-d and everything! I'm so new to the site XD I've read stories here before but…okay, let's not dawdle. It's easier to say I'm bad at using it :3 Anyway, I always read reviews (thanks for giving them!) and one of them suggested I include more countries. Don't worry, that'll happen! :D I don't own Hetalia, the sites, or songs mentioned. They belong to their respective creators ( D: )**

**So with no further babblings, cometh the story!**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 4: British Breakfasts? **

Matthew looked up at Gilbert, who smiled widely.

"Is that a problem, birdie?" he asked lowly, twisting the curl in Matthew's hair.

"Eep!" he squeaked. Maple! What would Arthur say? Most probably…

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! COME AND EAT SOME SCONES YOU RETARD!"

"Well?" repeated Gilbert, "is it? Because if you can't handle the awesome, I bet that lame-ass Austria would love to have you stay over at his stupid country. Just saying."

"Ummmm…I…er….um…" Matthew stuttered. He absent mindedly noticed that Gilbird was tweeting. That was strange. Gilbird…Did Gilbert ever notice it at all? What would Gilbird do if Matthew and Gilbert…Matthew blushed so much he was scared he'd have a nosebleed, which was a very Hungary thing to do.

**Elsewhere**

"Fit ting," said the chav, "Gotcha BB pin, brav?"

A blond head turned, and a little blonde girl clutched his hand tightly. He glanced down at her.

"I said, you better give me ya number, brav! You'd better! 'Cos innit doe, I ain't gonna be standin' around 'ere forever!" The chav started to lose it, "And I already got fucking rejected, brav!" She whipped out a knife, and the blonde girl screamed.

"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING NUMBER!" she screeched. "AND SHUT UP!" she pointed the blade at the little girl, who started to back away.

Shot.

"Don't you dare threaten her," said the boy. The gun was smoking, and the chav dropped the knife. Epic clatter.

Switzerland put the gun in his pocket, as the chav ran away.

"OHMGODS! GET ME CHICKEN AND CHIPS! I've just been TRAUMATISED!" the distant yells of the chavicus ignoramus were heard from many a borough.

"Thank you, brother!" Liechtenstein hugged her 'brother' and he patted her head.

"Let's go find Arthur." Switzerland held her hand, and into the rainy horizon they walked.

**Meanwhile**

Siobhan sniffed, and wiped her bloody nose. Stupid Arthur. Stupid Ivan. STUPID NATALIA! God, she didn't even have a problem with her before, but she had never received such a bitch slap in her life! Fat lot of help Alfred was. Trust him to have his first ever hangover during a fight.

"That teaches you to hurt big brother," hissed Natalia triumphantly.

"Oi. Siobhan. Make yourself useful and go tell the wankers upstairs that we're going out for dinner." Arthur snapped angrily. He wasn't really this horrible, not at all. Just because it was Siobhan.

And Siobhan didn't object. Halfway up the stairs, she paused. Why did she always follow his orders?

**Arthur says**

What a ridiculous fight. Arthur couldn't understand how Alfred managed to get a hangover. Why the hell did that retarded Ivan have to get involved? Oh, right, because he's a git. He can go join the happy-git club with Alfred.

"What's wrong, Britain?" squeaked Flying Mint Bunny, and it nudged him consolingly.

"Oh, this. This is all wrong." He sighed, wiping his cheek.

"Don't worry! I heard you were worried and I flew right over! I'm sure it'll get better! You did just offer to take them all out for dinner!" Flying Mint Bunny replied.

"I what?"

"You did."

"Oh, bollocks."

**Siobhan again**

_Stupid. Everything! Arrgh! Why can't the leprechauns help me out! _Siobhan thought grumpily. Who the heck were 'those wankers', anyway? They could've been anyone! She sighed, and carried on ascending the stairs, hoping in vain that her leprechaun friend, Paul, would come help her out.

"Oi! Arthur-twat says that you have to come downstairs so we can all go out to dinner!" she yelled, and kicked open a door.

There stood…Canada?

He was in a rather sexual situation with someone.

Siobhan dropped the cup of Irish coffee she was holding.

No! How on earth could Canada…

The smirking face, the creepy crimson eyes. The silver hair.

It couldn't be! No…

"_What's the matter, IRELAND? Can't you take care of yourself?" asked the obnoxious voice. Prussia poked her smugly. "Doesn't England look after you properly? HUH?"_

"_I don't like it! Stop!" her big green eyes brimmed with tears, and her skinny frame bruised at the pokes she received…Arthur did love her! He was just busy! He couldn't look after her AND Alfred…he'd give her food soon!_

"_Kesesesesesesesesesese…"_

Terror shone in her eyes. All those years ago…

"H-Hey, Ireland!" Matthew squeaked, and she backed away slowly, "Long time, no see, eh?"

"Comedownstairsnowplease AAAAAAGGHHHHHHH!" she screamed, and ran off down the stairs, skipping a few steps. It was like a cartoon. Her arms were flailing above her head.

"W…Prussia? W-What's up with her?" Matthew asked. Gilbert stepped away from him, as if nothing had just happened.

"Don't know, don't care." He said tiredly, "Come on, birdie, let's go."

**Kiku **

Kiku smoothed his hair, and looked around the room. The fire was still crackling, and everyone looked a bit disorientated. They were kind of just sitting there. Ivan was under the table, though, and Natalia was searching around frantically for him.

"God save the Queen and Jesus save my arse." Arthur muttered, sighing.

There was a flash of colour. Phwsh.

Siobhan was suddenly in the room, and slower footsteps were behind her.

She looked around frantically.

"Can I hide in your cupboard?" she asked Arthur desperately, running around the room.

"Ve~" Feliciano began, and Ludwig flicked his curl as a warning.

"No. You just punched me in the nose a minute ago. What the bloody hell are you running from, anyway?" Arthur said brutally.

"HAMBURGER STREET! Ore ga kono seikai no HERO sa! HAMBURGER STREET! Ikuzo seigi no tame nara YEAH! HAMBURGER STREET! Engo wa tanomu yo! BOYS & GIRLS! HAMBURGER STREET! Hantai iken wa mitomenai zo HA!" Alfred suddenly burst into song. His favourite song! He actually went to the bother of writing it in Japanese just so that Arthur couldn't understand it. Because Alfred actually wrote in there, "I won't accept any criticisms from England."

Kiku shook his head. Why was that guy so obsessed? It was insane…Switzerland liked goats, but he NEVER went on about them like Alfred did with hamburgers.

"Give me strength…" Arthur muttered. Chaos returned.

"Get outta under the table! I want to hide there!" whined Siobhan, and Ivan shook his head. The door knob clacked.

Kiku wondered what Siobhan was so worried about.

Matthew walked in, holding Kumajiro.

"Hey, Matthew," Arthur said light heartedly, "Nice to see you!" Siobhan relaxed a bit, but then she slowly turned around as she could tell…

Someone else followed Matthew. Gilbert. Prussia.

"AAAGGHHHHH!" screeched Siobhan, and actually jumped on someone. Switzerland? What the heck? How did he even get in?

"Hello." Switzerland said stiffly. "Why are you hiding…on me?"

"SHHHH!" Siobhan hushed. She put her hands up in front of her face.

"What a brilliant hiding place." Arthur said sarcastically. Siobhan scowled.

"Boo." Whispered Gilbert. Siobhan jumped, before diving under the table. She squeaked as she remembered that Ivan was there, and held her breath.

"Um, Gilbert, what did you do to her, eh?" Matthew asked.

"Nothing really." Gilbert said crudely, conveniently not telling the world how he made her life hell for around 100 years or so.

"Switzerland. There's no room." Arthur snapped, getting the attention on Switzerland.

"I have Liechtenstein here," Switzerland said coldly, "Do you think it is wise to put her back on the street?"

Arthur didn't say anything, merely sitting there, fuming.

"Oui. Let's go to the restaurant, maintenant, oui?" Francis broke the ice, and everyone got up. What the hell.

**There we are! I read through, and I think it isn't quite as funny as the other chapters. I'm not sure if it's historical, Ireland and Prussia's relationship, but it makes a bit of drama. Poor Ireland/Siobhan, right?**

**Maintenant=Now**

**Oui=Yes**

**Hamburger Street Lyrics!**

**I'm definitely getting more nations to arrive (thanks! That idea was from a review). Liechtenstein was outside with Hobo Sealand during the last part of the story.**

**They're not going to be out for long, I promise.**

**Have you got any ideas for moi? ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Aagh, the last chapter wasn't very good in my opinion! D:**

**But it will hopefully get better. I would love to thank you guys so much for posting the loveliest reviews ever! And they gave me advice, too. I can't reply because I'm a noooooooob! XD, I know the last chapter wasn't as good, because I had a review saying that the way it was dropping in standard, and gave me ideas. Thank you, **Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin, **for giving me great ideas! And yes, I will add Poland. I've never been to Costco before, it's an American branch that isn't very common in England. I looked it up and talked to my Russian friend who goes to a Costco which I didn't know existed…so yeah.**

**Chapter 5: Performances and London Public Transport**

"Whaddaya mean, 'that's not how you do it'? I'm a hero! Of course I know what I'm doing! Seriously! You splat your hand on that thingy, and booshakoosh, you're paid for!" Alfred slammed his hand down on the cash exchange.

"Sorry, sir, you have to have an oyster card," said the bus driver, "And you won't let me fini_"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU! I don't eat oysters, they're disgusting!" Alfred yelled.

"Sir, please pay up."

"Fine. I'll give you a dollar." Alfred sighed, and put a green note on the desk, smiling charmingly. Forget sparkly vampires. Sparkly teeth.

"That's not the right money."

"NOT THE RIGHT MONEY? IT'S A DOLLAR! WHO THE HELL REFUSES DOLLARS?" Alfred shouted, before narrowing his eyes, "you're just racist. I'm not paying for this. Forget it." Alfred stormed over to the back of the bus.

"I'm sorry about him," Kiku apologised, "He has jet rag."

"Jet rag?"

"Jet rl-r-l-lag." Kiku finally succeeded in pronouncing the 'l' in a word.

"Oh, alright."

Eventually, the whole lot were on the bus. Except Matthew, Gilbert…and Alfred!

"Vere the hell are they?" grumbled Ludwig, "Stupid youths…"

"Ve~more food for us!"

"Do you honestly vant to eat BRITISH food?" demanded Ludwig. Feliciano didn't answer that question. No one wanted to eat British food. Except, perhaps, Siobhan. She was so skinny she would eat anything.

Thank God they left Belarus at home. Or the B&B.

**Meanwhile**

"Big brother will HAVE to love me after this…" Belarus hissed, drawing on the walls in chalk. "BECOME ONE, BIG BROTHER…" she muttered, as she wrote it brutally on the Tudor walls.

Ukraine and Liechtenstein exchanged nervous glances.

**Back on the Bus**

"FELIKS?" exclaimed America, "Yo, dude! I haven't seen you in like, ages!" he bit down into his hamburger, splatting a pickle on Matthew's face.

"H-hey!" Matthew spluttered, and wiped it off. Great. He now had pickle gunk on his face. But it wasn't as weird as what Poland was wearing. He was cross dressing. Again. He did look a rather lot like a girl…

"Hello, people! I hadn't seen you for long time!" Feliks replied happily, "I was just, you know…in London they have really great clothes!"

On the other side of the bus, Arthur winced at the poor English.

"So, where are you going?" asked Feliks, brushing his hair off his face.

"Somewhere awesome." Gilbert answered immediately, and both Gilbird and Ludwig face palmed.

"Oh! That sounds great! America, Prussia, could I come along?" Feliks said.

"You forgot someone," Gilbert said sharply, putting his arm around Matthew's shoulder, and Gilbird conveniently hopped onto Matthew's head

"Did I?"

"Yeah, bro. You completely forgot Canadia." Alfred shook his head, "How could you?"

Arthur heard this, and marched up to Alfred angrily.

"Three. Bloody. Syllables. Can. A. Da." He hissed.

"Da~"

"Shut up, Ivan! Alfred. Listen. Canada is NOT Canadia." Arthur turned to Feliks, and smiled brightly, "'Ello, chap."

"Hello, England! So we're thinking of going to Cosco, yes?"

"No, we were going to go to a restaurant and eat food." Arthur furrowed his enormous eyebrows. Matthew noticed that Gilbert still had his arm around him, and blushed again.

"DUDE YO CANADI – Canada – YOU'RE TOTALLY BLUSHING !" Alfred went into hysterics, and everyone stopped doing what they were doing.

A few windows broke, and the computer

"ERROR. TOO MUCH AMERICAN ON AN ESSENTIALLY BRITISH DOUBLE DECKER BUS."

Racism.

"Maple…"

By now, everyone was dazed. Alfred's obnoxious laugh completely wiped everyone's minds clear.

"So. Yeah. We're going to Costco." Feliks said slyly. He knew that he would definitely be able to go to Costco now! Haha! America's laugh was a miracle worker!

**20 minutes later**

"DUDE, ARTIE! America's in your England! Hahahaaahahaa, look, a COSTCO!" Alfred yelled for about the thousandth time in the last 5 minutes. No joke.

"That's what she said," Francis said, winking, "oh ~"

"I don't get what's so funny, Alfred," Arthur scowled, "your sense of humour is so…skanky. Francis. You are mentally disturbed."

"Skanky?" asked Matthew, "What does that mean?"

The chav walked past, and screamed, and ran away.

"That." Arthur pointed at the chav, and it suddenly became clear.

"Hey, Yao, do you think Costco should become one with Mother Russia, like you?" Ivan asked rhetorically, smelling a sunflower he had stolen off a wedding bouquet. He needed it more.

"I never said that I was in Mother Russia-aru…"

"Well, that's good!" Ivan beamed, not really taking Yao's statement into account, and held his hand with a crushing force.

When they were inside, Arthur dropped what he was holding (Alfred), and gaped at the sheer enormousness of it.

"FELIKS! WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU WANT TO COME HERE? NO ONE TOLD ME IT WAS THIS HUGE!" Arthur yelled, and Alfred was the only one who didn't wince from the loudness of Arthur's complaint.

"The potato bastard a should've, a therefore it is a his fault," Lovino said, looking at Antonio for support. Antonio was holding a small turtle. He shouldn't have kept it!

"Ve~how is it Germany's fault? His food is quite a bland but it's not that bad!" Feliciano said bravely, "he looks like an angel, si?"

Ludwig suddenly remembered the cute little song Feliciano sang for him, once, not so long ago…until he saw a bag of potatoes. Hm. Potatoes! He really needed some!

He ran towards them (in an ordered way, staying in the same line of squares in the floor), and put his hand on them. He tugged, looking forward to the Sausages with potatoes he'd have that night.

He frowned in confusion. It was almost as if someone else was holding onto the potatoes…

"Hey, I had these first!" Siobhan stuck her chin out bravely, once she realised it was Germany, not Prussia, "So back off!"

"Actually, I had the potatoes first!" Ludwig said truthfully, "So the most ordered vay vould just be to let me have them!" He narrowed his brown eyes, and smoothed down his slick blond hair.

"Oh, that's what they all say, potato bastard!"

"!" booed Alfred, "GERMANY GOT OWNED!"

"Shut up, Alfred," Arthur snapped, before sighing and walking off.

"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE OUT!" Feliks yelled at the other customers, and they slowly began to file out. It suddenly hit Matthew that Feliks probably knew that this sort of thing would happen.

Germany pulled out the gun.

"IF YOU DON'T GIVE THEM TO ME RIGHT THIS INSTANCE MY ONLY OPTION VILL BE TO SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD!"

Pause.

"GOTTA CATCH ME FIRST, DIDDLY!" Siobhan yelled, before running off.

"That's not a fair, Ireland! Germany deserves them, ve~" Feliciano began, looking mildly serious for once, "I'm on your side, Germany!"

"Vhat? Really?" Germany asked, his eyes widening and a soft blush spreading across his manly face.

"Und me and Birdie too, Vest!" Gilbert yelled, "And GILBIRD!"

Matthew blinked. Since when was he EVER on Germany's side? True, the Allies never noticed his presence back in WW2, but, they would definitely have noticed if he wasn't there!

"Birdie?" Feliciano asked, confused.

"Matthew." Gilbert answered impatiently, tapping his (awesome) boot.

"Who?"

"Canada."

"Who?"

"THIS GUY!" Gilbert yelled, and pointed straight at Matthew. The confusion passed from Feliciano's face.

"I'll go on your side, oh honhonhonhonhonhonhon," Francis said.

"Us too," Antonio and (reluctantly) Lovino said.

"DUDE, FORGET YOU GUYS! I'M TOTALLY ON IRELAND'S SIDE!" Alfred yelled, speeding off to meet her.

"I might as well go, too," Switzerland sighed, and ran after Alfred.

What the heck was this?

Russia looked at China.

"We should have our own side, da~" whispered Ivan, and Yao nodded. Ivan smiled, and got out the infamous water pipe, "We won't tell anyone else. Just us. We've both had famine and poverty. So it's our right for the potatoes, da~"

"Yes-aru."

**Arthur**

He sighed, and heard the multiple bangs and shots of fighting, and the brief yells and calls.

"What the bloody hell is this palaver about, though…it's just potatoes. I grow them in my own back garden…there's nothing wrong with those, right?" muttered Arthur. He went into the cereal aisle, starting to wish he remembered what they were going to do before Feliks suggested Costco.

"Stupid nations. Stupid nosiness. Stupid Alfred."

It was ridiculous, really! Over just potatoes, what kind of stupid fight was this? Such a superior British gentleman as Arthur would never sink to such low standards as getting into a potato fight.

He didn't want another war, not yet, and it wouldn't be a world war without Britain's presence. Of course.

Stupid other countries. They're such retarded fools.

Shreddies, Cornflakes, Weetabix…

He stopped, and suddenly felt a huge gust of sea wind hit him. What the hell was he thinking? How idiotic of him! Of course he had to get involved in this fight, how stupid! He had to go take over Ireland's side, and fight because he could! A chance to kill Spain and that stupid France? Why miss out on that?

The age old cocky grin spread across his face, and he smelled the salt from the faraway sea. He laughed mischievously, and pulled out his silver cutlass.

"AHOY! PREPARE TO BE BOARDED, YE INFERIORS!" he yelled, before running off to win the fight.

On the shelf next to Weetabix, stood a box of Pirate-O's. Filled with (not real) parroty goodness.

**I actually think I have saved the story, not single handedly, though! So the battle will continue next chapter! Listen to the Dropkick Murphy's 'I'm Shipping up to Boston' when you get to the last section (Arthur's conversion). Seriously. I listen to music when I write things.**

**PruCan will return, and I have added slight RussiaxChina, have you clocked? (British slang for understood, seen)**

**Reviews? Did that save it? Good chapter?**

**I have to go to sleep now, I have an exam tomorrow.**

**But yeah! I DO NOT OWN ANY BRANDS MENTIONED (except Pirate O's) OR ANY MUSIC OR HETALIA!**

**Have a nice day.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yo guys, how's you? I'm fine thank you. Or rather, excellent! Your reviews have given me this lovely buzz :D who needs drugs? Not me! Thank you **Knight the Cat **for telling me how to reply! I'm really happy! So I replied to the recent reviews! And thanks for the favourites and the watches too, you're just spectacular people, I love you! –Not in a France way- So onwards and outwards! What? I do not own Hetalia, or the music, or products mentioned. Or shops. All credit goes to their respective owners.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 6: Battle at Costco**

"YO! SIOBHAN!" yelled Alfred, and Siobhan turned around, before sighing in relief. It was only Alfred. The cheery American definitely had the leprechaun.

"Oh, hi!" she panted, holding the potatoes, "Do you know where the cash desk is?"

"It's all the way down there, dude," Alfred said, pointing with his thumb.

Siobhan's expression turned to one of shock, as she looked at the vast space between her and the sign for the cash desks. Great. Tins and tins of food blocked the way, and evil packets of spaghetti were cruel obstacles. It was like a strange, strange maze.

"BUT FEAR NOT!" yelled Alfred, "'CAUSE I'M gonna HELP you! AND WE'LL totally WIN!" He got out a pen, and read aloud as he wrote on the packet "PROPERTY OF THE USA AND IRELAND."

A pale hand took the pen, and added, "And Switzerland."

"S-Switzerland?" muttered Siobhan, looking away as she blushed. That guy was such a good hiding place! Kind of…his gun hid her face! Yay!

"Cause I'm an independent woman," she sang quietly, dancing randomly, holding the potatoes.

"DUDE, I'LL DANCE TOO!"

And so they danced.

Even Switzerland.

**The German Side**

"Ve~ we need a plan?" Feliciano asked, scratching his head.

"Yes, Italy, ve need a plan," Ludwig sighed patiently, "So ve have any ideas?"

There was a bit of silence, and Gilbert realised with a small smirk that Matthew was holding onto his arm, like it was life or death. His cute oval glasses were sliding down his nose.

"BROTHER! STOP doing vatever you vere doing and LISTEN!" Ludwig didn't bother holding in his anger when it came to Gilbert. Gilbert was just a complete rebel, and that was…out of order.

"Potato bastard. I do not a want to work with you." Lovino snapped, "But I do not a want to separate from mi fratello. Tomato."

"I hope Arthur is neutral in this…" whispered Antonio, to Francis, "He was never very nice to me, si?"

"Oh honhonhonhonhon, Arthur is so beautiful when his angry," Francis laughed like a pervert. Everyone knew he was a pervert.

"I-I've got an idea! If…" Matthew began, but gave up straight away as the nations started to argue with each other.

"OI! LISTEN! BIRDIE HAS AN IDEA!" Gilbert yelled. He poked Ludwig. "BEER!"

"I'm…kind of…er…invisible-y…so maybe I could…um…steal them, eh?" Matthew asked, his eyes sparkling so sweetly it was illegal. Good thing British Police are unarmed.

"BIEN IDEA!" yelled Antonio.

"Mais…We must distract them…"

**Pirate Zone**

Arthur strolled out of the bathroom. Ha! Once again, he was great! His red jacket, and fancy clothes and jewellery had replaced his boring gentlemanly outfit. He smirked, and swept his sword across a shelf, slicing metal kettles in half.

He needed to find Ireland. He would rule once more. And then they'd be laughing.

**Back at the side with potatoes**

Siobhan raised her eyebrows, uncertainty clouding her eyes. Was it really necessary to give her the codename "LEPRECHAUN!" and write it on her forehead? Wasn't that basically pointless?

"There! Now you're like, totally great!" Alfred said triumphantly, and Basche face palmed.

"This doesn't seem…" Siobhan said uncertainly, rubbing her skinny hands together.

"I know, right, it doesn't seem, like, stupid! It's amazing! Dude, seriously! It's what Artie used to do when he did all that spy stuff."

"Errr….what's the point of having a code name on my forehead? Isn't it supposed to stay secret?"

"So we can tell who you are, DUH! How else?"

"You know who she is already!" Switzerland snapped impatiently, "if we stand here too long, they'll get us and we'll look like idiots! So grow up and think properly!"

There was a silence. An imaginary gust of wind made their hair blow around. Until, that is, Alfred sang…

"Someone's on their period~!"

"You're an idiot."

There was a sudden crack, as someone jumped down from the top of shelves. It was someone familiar and unfamiliar…someone with golden hair, thick eyebrows, and gold hair. He wasn't looking gentlemanly at all…

"PIRATE?" yelled Siobhan, "WHAT?"

"T'is I, Captain Kirkland! And you landlubbers better listen when I say," he pointed his sword straight at Alfred, the main landlubber, "I'm in charge."

Switzerland sighed. Arthur turned around, malice showing in his eyes. He whipped out his gun, his old, old, gun, and pointed it straight at Switzerland.

"You think it's funny? Shall I tell you what isn't funny? You getting thrown overboard."

Switzerland gulped, and nodded.

Guns.

Guns were just so…so...

"YUMMY YUM! LOOK! THEY HAVE AMERICAN SALAD SAUCE! AHAHAHAH!" Alfred kicked the shelf, and 2 bottles of special Wish Bone sauce landed in his hands, and he squeezed the entire contents of both into his mouth.

"RABIES!" yelled Siobhan, "oh…wait."

"So…here's what we're going to do, crew…"

**Meanwhile**

"Ahahaha, that's right…Fight!" Feliks laughed, setting up multiple cameras everywhere. He grinned, and tossed his blond hair and adjusted his skirt. Cross dressing was irresistible when there were so many skirts around…This would so get so many likes on Facebook!

**Back at the Opposition**

"Oi! Japan, you're on our side, ve~" Feliciano smiled, and linked arms with him.

"I don't really want to fight," Kiku mumbled, before saying what he should say, "I will be on your side."

"YAAAAY!"

"Hey, Birdie?" asked Gilbert, and playfully ran his hand through Matthew's hair *maple* "You ready?"

"I don't really see what the fuss is all about…Surely, we can just share?" Matthew said, this time, not stuttering at all. Kiku silently agreed with him.

"Vell, I think there's something up with this…it's as if…someone's gone back to the past…" Ludwig muttered, smoothing his hair impatiently. Unfortunately, he didn't know how bad this was.

**The *innocent* bystanders**

"I don't think aru this is a good idea…aru." Yao said uncertainly.

"Shh, shh, panda panda." Ivan put his finger on Yao's lips to effectively shut him up, "It'll work. I can definitely block that annoying magic that England has a habit of using."

For once, sheer evil was not allowed to be hidden from sight. Ivan laughed and looked at Yao, questioningly.

"What's wrong, da~"

"You're a bit…aru…scary…" Yao said, finally.

"Your jokes are very funny, da~" smiled Ivan. "Now! EVIL!"

**The battle begins**

"YAR!" yelled Arthur, unsheathing his sword as he ran at Kiku. The two not-quite-sword-but-definitely-scary-sharp-things crashed together.

"I don't think I should let you go past to the cash desk, Igirisu." Kiku said calmly, and so they began to duel.

Lovino nodded once, at Antonio, and together, they started to run towards Switzerland.

"I have a gun," Switzerland stared at the gun, and could've kissed it right there, but didn't. Instead, he shot in the general direction of the opposition, not really intending to hit anyone. But it did scare the beejeezus…

Out of America.

"DUDE YO! THAT'S FREAKING SCARY!"

"You idiot, I'm on your side!" yelled Switzerland.

"ahaha, yeah! I know! Just testing ya!" America grinned sheepishly, before poking him.

**Meanwhile**

"Doo, doo, doo," hummed Siobhan, holding the potatoes. She winced as she heard a grand…

"PASTOUCH!"

"Damn those undignified twats! Those stupid leprechaun lickers, those stupid non believers. Stupid soviet. Stupid Germans. Stupid Canadia. Stupid flamenco. Stupid ITALIANS! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she cried, holding the potatoes so tightly that they started to turn into mush, "STUPID ENGLAND! Why do I have the curse of the eyebrows? Oh, damn, I hope they all step on hungry grass! I may not have won any battles, but I haven't lost any, either! Stupid stupids!" she threw an extravagant, kicking a fridge or two.

Her legs cracked as she trod hard on the floor. She kicked an orange, and didn't even smile when it went "."

She suddenly got the feeling that she was being followed.

She turned around, and there wasn't anyone there…but she sensed a presence. It wasn't anything supernatural, but there was someone else.

"Hello? It'd be grand if you showed yourself, twat!" she said warily, brandishing a potato.

She felt a tug at the potato pack, and looked. There was someone there…but…how?

"I'm here," Matthew whispered, smiling brightly.

"N~" she whipped her head around…what the heck? Who on earth was that?

"Oh, you better get your ass out here right now so I can whack it with my potta gold you silly twat! Orgh, monkey slut! C'mon! I am not scared of you!" she yelled bravely, and Matthew winced at the loud noise. "NOT ANYONE!"

"Hi, Ireland. Those potatoes? They belong to the awesome me, and a few others. So it'd be cool if you handed them over," said Gilbert, starting to walk over, "I'll poke you."

Siobhan gasped, and remembered being poked by Gilbert, and stepped back.

"Actually, it says it belongs to me and America." Siobhan said boldly, before running away like a coward.

"MWAHAHA! MY SKINNY LEGS DON'T WEIGH ME DOWN!"

**Arthur**

"Hah! You fell right into my trap, wankers! Both the Italians, the Spaniard, a sushiman, a German, and a Frog! Ahahahahaaaa! Now hand over your valuables!" yelled Arthur, pointing the sword at them.

"Yo, dude! Italy! You didn't give me a piece of that pizza! That's harsh, man, that's harsh."

"Um, may I remind you that ve're tied up, with a svord pointed at our throats…I think that's the harsher option!" Ludwig protested.

"You forgot the gun," Switzerland said, staring at the gun, "how could you? It's fucking hot…"

No one else really saw the appeal. Not even Francis. But the millions of fans outside definitely did. But they're not in this story.

"Please don't kill us, please! PLEASE!" begged Feliciano, struggling insanely.

"Oui, Angleterre," whispered Francis, "S'il vous plait…"

"Potato bastard."

"SHUT UP, FOOLS! YOU'RE AT THE HANDS OF ME, NOW!" shouted Arthur.

"And the USA!"

"No."

"Aw."

"And now! I'm about to blast you to death! But first, let me get the wankers that have been stalking Siobhan!"

**Siobhan**

"Oh crap, oh crap," she panted, "Why didn't I exercise?" tears of tiredness flowed from her eyes, and she stood up.

There, in front of her, stood Gilbert. Crap…

His awesomeness was slightly decreased by the fact that Matthew was piggy-backing him.

"Hi! Y-you're losing, you know!" Matthew said brightly, and Gilbert laughed, as they prepared to seize the potatoes.

"ABRACADABRIA!"

"Damn!" Gilbert swore, and both him and Matthew disappeared.

Siobhan paused, looking around the enemy-less place.

She decided to take a rather America-esque approach.

"Yeah, I totally did that. DON'T MESS WITH ME!"

**The Final Clash?**

"What the…" Gilbert cursed.

"Maple!"

"MY PIRATE TOTALLY KILLED YOU! AHAHA! NOW TO USE MAGIC TOO!" exclaimed Arthur, putting his sword down, and getting out his magic book.

"Amadanerai Efanshanana GordonBrownsaucingtonium killthefrickingprussianian kill the annoying…"

**Apparently not…**

"So…Ivan-aru…are you sure you want to do this?" Yao asked uncertainly, as Ivan stood there, holding the iron water pipe which was glowing with darkness (oxymoron).

Ivan smiled at Yao.

"Da~" Ivan smiled sinisterly, "LET'S INTERRUPT!"

**Back at the main site**

"Amershanonim!" finished Arthur, raising his hands.

Nothing.

"Amershan…onum?" he waved his hands again.

Gilbert sniggered, elbowing Matthew who laughed too.

"What's the matter, Britain? Can't get it up?" laughed Francis.

"That's vat she said!" Ludwig smiled, and they both burst into laughter.

"Umm…." Switzerland lowered his gun, and stared at Arthur.

"Damn! What the hell? Why am I dressed as a pirate?" he demanded, "Great. What the bloody hell did you do? What a palaver…"

"Awkward Turtle~" sang Feliciano, and Ludwig face palmed.

"Aru," muttered Yao, as Ivan cheerily knocked them all out with his magical pipe of doom.

"Maple…" Matthew groaned, as he sank down, loosing consciousness rapidly.

"Stupid Costco," muttered Siobhan, as she fell over, sliding down the fridge door slowly.

"I'm never coming here again," snarled Arthur.

Ivan plucked the bag of potatoes from underneath Siobhan, and held them as if they were the most important things in the world.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol…that's what happens when you're not with Mother Russia."

**Don't worry, guys, they're not dead! They're all fine.**

**Mother Russia rules. All. I'm not sure at all about this chapter, but whatever, I think the reactions in the next chapter are going to be funnier.**

**If you want translations, ask me please! My computer is being a retard and translates anything I type back into English…it didn't do that before! Even in this chapter!**

**So thanks for reading! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Lol, thanks for the reviews in the last chapter :D I'm so happy! You can't buy firearms in Britain XD anywhoom…**

**Yeah!  
TA! :3**

**I don't own HETALIA! OR ANY MUSIC or BRANDS mentioned. Except Pirate- O's.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 7: Reactions**

"Oh, my God! Those fricking Commies! AGGHHHHH!" Alfred yelled, kicking the old wooden door open, and throwing himself down on the sofa, "I so totally deserved those fricking potatoes!"

"Owwhhhh…." Moaned Siobhan, "How did we get back?" she rubbed her green eyes sub consciously, and smoothed her eyebrows down.

"Da~" said Ivan, pulling Yao onto his lap, "I brought you back. That was very nice of me."

"Aiyah! I don't think it was really necessary aru for you to put me on you lap…" Yao said quietly.

"Yeah, because you were a real gent, weren't you! I mean, except the whole bashing our heads in with a metal pipe thing…how the hell did you get that through customs?" demanded Arthur, who was nursing a rather nasty bruise on the side of his head. He really, really hated Pirate-O's right now.

"Swing a little more, little more next to me…" hummed Siobhan quietly, patting her knees along to the music. "Swing a little more, little more, and a merry o…swing a little more, little more, on the Devil's dance floor…"

"DUDE stop summoning the DEVIL!" yelled Alfred, wincing at the ridiculous amount of noise he made.

"I'm not, it's just a song," Siobhan replied, irritated, "so shh."

"That's what ARTHUR said at the campfire! And guess who turns up! Huh! R-U-S-S-I-A!" Alfred stage whispered, and Ivan looked around, dropping his hand from Yao's hair.

"Da~?"

"He was there already, you wanker," muttered Arthur, "So shut up, and let us all get some rest!"

"Just so you know, I was neutral during that fight," Switzerland said stiffly, "So don't mention it."

"DUDE, OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T NEUTRAL!" yelled Alfred, "YOU WROTE ON THE SACK OF THE POTATOES!"

"Yeah, so? I mean, I shot at Francis once to stop him raping Arthur, and I stayed neutral!" Switzerland snapped angrily, losing his temper, "So what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't swear, ve~" Feliciano winced, rubbing his eyes, "my head hurts from a where Russia hit it…"

"Stop being sore losers, aru!" scowled Yao, shuffling around a bit. Ivan smiled brightly. God knows why…

"I'm a going to bed…and I'm a never going to Costco again!" Feliciano sobbed, and ran upstairs. The old English stairs creaked uneasily. Arthur didn't really want them to break.

The door banged open again, and Arthur covered his ears. It was like all the hangovers he'd ever had in his life put together. Russia was merciless with that pipe.

"Maple…" mumbled Matthew. He was asleep, and Gilbert was carrying him! It was so sweet! Hungary would love it! Too bad she was asleep…

"Fucking communists, how could they kill my awesome?" demanded Gilbert loudly, petting Matthew like a cat. He sighed, and sat down. Ludwig face palmed (even though he was in a parking thing.

Alfred whipped out his PSP, and it turned on.

"What are you playing?" Siobhan asked, still not noticing Gilbert.

"Blackops," Alfred said, pressing buttons rapidly, "DUDE, KILL THE REDS!"

"…"

The room gained a dark aura, and Arthur stopped and looked around. Matthew didn't wake up. Everyone stared at Ivan, and Yao honestly wished he was back in China…

"That's really, really, scary!" whispered Siobhan, stepping back, and she surveyed the room.

Of course, she saw Gilbert. The room was surrounded by darkness but his eyes were bright, and Matthew's slumber made him look dead. Siobhan winced, and then she fainted.

"Great." Arthur rolled his eyes, and lifted her up like a baby, patting her back familiarly.

"Dude? Britain! She doesn't like you, why the hell are you picking her up?" Alfred growled. Ha! He was jealous…

"Don't be ridiculous, you buffoon. She may hate me now, but I brought her up all those years ago." He sang quietly to her, and for once, her face was completely relaxed. As if she had no more worries.

Arthur shut the door quietly behind him, carrying Siobhan upstairs all the way.

"THAT WAS SO CUTE! IT'S LIKE HE'S HER DADDY!" Hungary squealed, emerging with Poland's video camera, "AAAAWWWW!"

"Whatever. Takes an un-awesome to love an un-awesome," Prussia rolled his eyes, and Matthew snuggled into him like a teddy.

Ivan stood there, and Alfred suddenly realised that the Russian had stolen his PSP!

"Hey! Get off of that, that's mine!"

"Then, why do you insist on playing such violent games, da~" Ivan said childishly, looking up at Alfred, "Are you trying to kill me? That's not nice, da~"

Arthur came back into the room, and sighed, sitting down.

"I don't think she's very well. She's scared half to death…is there anything going on with her country at the moment?" he asked, massaging his temples.

"Yeah, they've screwed themselves with money." Prussia replied, absent mindedly stroking Matthew's hair. Although he wouldn't call it stroking. He'd call it the…giving of awesome.

"Again, da?" asked Ivan, silently putting the COD game in his pocket.

"Ivan-san…" Kiku shook his head. At least Russia wouldn't try to take over Ireland. After all, who'd want a country which can't keep up with itself?

The mood suddenly darkened, and the room went silent. Even Alfred stopped yapping on about how great hamburgers are, and Gilbert stopped doing anything.

All of a sudden, there was this gigantic crash and literally about 100 leprechauns came into the room. Everyone could see them, not just Arthur.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" yelled Alfred. The serious move cracked, and all the leprechauns started dancing angrily. Even Arthur's leprechaun friend joined in.

"Bhfeice GHAEILGE!" they all yelled, "DIDDLY DIDDLY!"

Poland whipped out his video camera, and filmed the whole thing. The door crashed open again, and in came Ireland, who looked healthy but slightly pissed off.

"IRELAND!" she yelled, and joined in the dancing.

"Live to Youtube: Irish Vengeance," Poland grinned, "So here we are, watching these guys dance! Isn't it weird! Do you like my skirt? I love it. I bought it from Costco, you know. We went to Costco about an hour ago, and today has honestly had plenty of video oppurtunites!"

"Yo dude, I'll join in!" yelled Alfred, and he did indeed join in the rather idiotic dancing.

"And now we have Alfred the American 'dude' dancing too!" Poland stated proudly. The video already had about 2000 hits.

"Oishtatoshitosh potato!" Alfred yelled.

"HEY!" finished Siobhan.

"CUT!" yelled Arthur, pressing 'stop' on Poland's camera.

"Ouch..." muttered Siobhan, and the leprechauns disappeared, "Why are you all staring at me? Have I done something?"

"Yeah, you just danced." Alfred patted her on the back, "You're pretty good. Of course, you're not as great as me...but you're getting there!"

"That doesn't even make sense," Japan muttered, "Why are these people so..."

"Actually, w-what did, er, you do with those potatoes, eh?" asked a weak voice. Matthew was awake! Yay!

"Gott in Himmel, why am I even here?" demanded Ludwig, massaging his temples (NOT A FACE PALM!)

"I made them into vodka, da~" Russia beamed, "And Siobhan? I've spiked your drink."

Siobhan went white, and put down the empty glass.

"ERRGghhHHHHHHHHHH!" she croaked, "how much?"

"A bit."

Poland took the video camera back from England, and grinned. This'd be good.

...

**Graahgg, that was so crack-y and I didn't really find it funny. Hopefully next chapter they'll be going to Carnaby Street XD or…right you guys, I really value all of your reviews! Someone told me that Vodka-Potato thing in a review, and my computer has killed the Copy-Paste option D: so I can't get their name, sorry! But thanks for that idea. America helps Ireland a lot in financial crises, so, that's why Alfred joined in the dance. This was pretty much a filler (? Right word?) chapter…so sorry about it! Hope I'll get better.**

**Actually, can you tell me something? Would you rather it was more like, sexy shizzle, next chapter, or they go to Carnaby Street. Obviously not the full monty because it'd be a bit WTF? Both are going to happen, but I can't decide?  
Sorry for not updating, I've got a Spanish Exam and also my science exam D: plus, my birthday's on PANCAKE DAY! Isn't that just great? Perhaps Canada will give me some pancakes :')**

**Translations, anyone?  
:D thanks! I'm sorry if this isn't to your expectations . **


	8. Authors Note 1

**Authors Note**

**I can just imagine you guys being like  
"AAGHHHHHHGHRHRHRHRH SHUT UP!"**

**But yeah XD**

**Anywhoom, I've been told I move on too quickly, and that has helped me. So. So. So. Much.**

**Now I know what's troubling me when I write. I have to be more patient with myself. It's because I get high grades for writing incredibly random-crack-y stuff (I guess my teachers are a bit…weird? I GOT AN A* EVERYONE APPLAUD!), and when Ireland got scared half to death, I was a bit "….errr, what do I do now?" and the leprechauns…they speak for themselves. I didn't really know what else to do D:**

**GOSH that was just such a crack chapter.**

**I've got an exam tomorrow, and we still haven't have the injections and I have a fear of needles, and I need to write my Spanish speech, and my parents know about none of these things, so I might not be able to update for a few days. I am NOT taking down this story because it's doing quite well, and I have you amazing people to thank!  
I had a review from 'siriusly Chibi' requesting me to put in England's brothers. I have thought about that for a while. I'm thinking it could be funny, but they wouldn't be in it for long because of the whole thing with Ireland and Northern Ireland, there's a lot of tragedy involving them, so I wouldn't really be able to write it properly. I'm working on that sort of stuff.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I'm really grateful, and you've been really polite yet honest. Pointing out my errors and mistakes helps a lot. A lot. A LOT!**

**I knew it wasn't a very good chapter. But I will get better. **

**I don't really have a schedule for updating…**

**THIS IS SOMETHING REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT! LIKE A MILLION TIMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN ALL THE HAMBURGERS IN THE WORLD!  
**

_**Should I do a rather sexy (NOT TOO MUCH THOUGH) chapter next…**_

_**Or…**_

_**Should they go to Carnaby Street?**_

_**Or something else?  
Please tell me ASAP .**_

_**Should I take down the last chapter and just skip to the next one? I don't think so, because you know how cracky it was.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for the reviews. A little thing I should say…Siobhan is like, ultra stereotype, :L**

**I have decided on a brillo idea. There is humour (I hope?) in this chapter. I am including Carnaby Street and Smexiness. Smexiness=DIFFICULTS pour moi.  
I might not be able to update as much as usual because I'm in deep trouble at school…it's VERY bad. I'm going to move this up to M.**

**Okay~? **

**If you're thinking that they're just going to go at it like rabbits, then, NAAAY!**

**My birthday was excellent! I got Hetalia and now my brother likes it too! YESH! I succeed! Now! Here we are! I'm so excited (Y)**

**-I do not own Hetalia or any products mentioned unless I say otherwise-**

**The fashion-star that appears is a parody of a very nice Chinese-British one…**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 8: Finally **

Siobhan sniffed angrily. How dare that stupid Russian guy spike her drink! Communist-capitalist thing…whatever…he was a total pain in the ass!

Everyone seemed to be getting ready for something.

"OI! We'll make our last outing tonight! We're off to Carnaby Street, whether you like it or not." Arthur snapped, not really wanting people to stay in his precious B&B.

"Whataby Street?" Alfred frowned, letting his glasses slide down his nose.

"Wasabi Street?" Kiku asked, confused. What on Earth were they talking about? Ivan kolled to himself, as he saw Gilbert start to get annoyed at the rather short tempered Irish girl.

"CARNABY Street! Good grief, do you have some kind of retarded condition when it comes to things beginning with C?" yelled Arthur.

"Gott, vhy are they all such idiots?" Ludwig looked at the sky hopelessly. Indeed, why was he 'blessed' with knowing such stupid people?

"Lots of nice things begin C," Francis smirked, tossing his hair. Feliks glared. POLAND was the one who looked fabulous, not some stupid Frencho Poncho.

"That's disgusting-aru…" Yao sighed.

"Hai, hai," agreed Kiku, putting down his book.

"Alrighty, then! Let's go!"

"But I'm tired!" complained Siobhan, crossing her legs on the chair, "Plus, I can't afford to go to Carnaby Street."

"Don't you have a pot of gold?" demanded Lovino angrily, only to be pulled back down by Antonio. He honestly just wanted to go and bitch about British food.

"Are you saying that all Irish people have a pot of gold? REALLY? That's just stupid…" Siobhan stuck her chin out.

"But do YOU have one?" Alfred pointed a finger at her.

Siobhan sighed, "I guess…"

"In any case, she's had a bit much to drink." Arthur said stonily, really just wanting to leave her behind. She'd probably borrow some money off him. Siobhan hadn't really had much to drink, because although Ivan did spike her drink, he did not want to overdo it. Everything was going to his plan…

"I have not! Wait; I mean, of course I have! You should really, really just leave me behind…"

"Well in that case, someone should stay with her, da~" Ivan smiled emptily, and turned to Matthew.

"He's sleepy. He should stay behind, too."

"W-what?" Matthew gasped. He definitely didn't want to stay behind. He wanted to go out and have fun. Unfortunately, everyone ignored him.

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S SETTLED! LET'S GO!" exclaimed Alfred, pulling on his new converses, "Whee!"

"Indeed." Arthur said.

And everyone but Siobhan, Matthew, and someone else (guess who?) left.

There was an awkward silence, as Siobhan, Matthew, and _Gilbert_ sat in the room. Gilbert got up, and went to the kitchen to raid it. Bad idea.

"You know what? I think I'd better go to sleep," Siobhan smiled shakily, and walked slowly out of the room. She broke into a sprint as soon as the door shut.

**Later**

"Aiyah! Look how wonderful it looks!" China said approvingly, noting all the ace decorations. The street glowed with gothic street lamps, but it was so evidently British that it looked reasonably friendly.

"Hey, Yao, da~" Ivan said softly, and Yao turned around nervously. He smiled wanly, before looking at the Russian's blank eyes.

"Yes?"

"You're going to get lost around here, da? So I made this," Ivan stuck a label onto Yao's top. Yao winced as it punched a hole through his well made top.

"That's nice of you, aru…" muttered Yao, and he looked down. Unfortunately, due to his straight posture, he could not see what it said:

_**Property Of Russia**_

Francis was the only person who noticed it. He thought it was random kinkiness.

"Wow, everything is so nice here! They have a Japanese shop…" Kiku smiled, and instead wandered into an English tea shop.

"People are valking on the streets…it's crazy town!" muttered Ludwig. There were no cars, yet it was laid out like a normal British road! What is the world coming to?

"It's nice, isn't it?" Arthur stated proudly, and Alfred frowned. It didn't even come close to New York. That is a bit of a stupid thing to say, seeing how much bigger New York is than Carnaby Street.

"Ohonhonhonhon," Francis smirked. He shot dazzling smiles at people, and quite a lot of them blushed. Forget a lot of them, ALL of them blushed.

Poland looked out from behind a plant pot, with his all famous video camera.

"And…this is what we do on a regular basis! Well, not really, I've never been here before but whatever! It's amazing! Haha, I have such amazing friends! Next time I better bring my horses, right?" Poland laughed, and he accidentally knocked a table. A British girl scowled as her tea was knocked over.

"Shh," he hushed her, "Ooh, look, we have conflict…"

"ALFRED! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!" Arthur did his signature scream, and pointed at the sign that once read Carnaby Street. Now it read "HAMBURGER Street." The 'Carnaby' had a red cross through it, and the 'Hamburger' was written unevenly next to it.

"DUDE, It's totally kick ass!"

"No, it's NOT!"

"And once again, Alfred shows how stupid he is…like that time when he wrote his name on the potatoes? That got a lot of views, thanks you guys!" Poland laughed.

Feliciano was talking to the British girls, trying desperately to avoid food. Ludwig watched from the sidelines.

"S O S PLEASE SOME-ONE HELP ME!" Alfred sang badly, before being chased by an angry Arthur.

"I'm going to kill you, you bloody wanker!"

"This is comedy gold," Poland showed himself in the camera, doing a thumbs up, "Hmm. I don't look beautiful enough, I might have to go buy some clothes!" he stood up, and walked off towards a clothes shop.

The British girl was awe struck. What a day to come to Carnaby Street! She whipped out a notebook, and turned the page away from her birthday-page, and smiled happily. What a brilliant idea…

**What about Belarus?**

Liechtenstein and Hobo Sealand had developed a grand plan. Liechtenstein's lack of being around Switzerland gave her a different point of view. She was now doing a sympathy act with Sealand for money. Switzerland would be happy!

Ukraine looked mildly worried as Belarus scratched into multiple glass windows, "MARRY ME BROTHER!"

**Back in the main situation…**

Cameras flashed, as Feliks burst out of the shop. His hair had a beautiful rose in it (courtesy of Francis) and he was wearing a rather smashing dress, even high heels! This was cross dressing to the EXTREME!

"I look fabulicious!" he cried, before modelling his 'fabulicious' advert down the street. Everyone applauded as he bowed and curtsied, and Arthur stood there, shaking. This was NOT the point of coming to Carnaby Street.

"You look fabulous, darling," complimented a popular Chinese-British fashionisto, and Feliks smiled. Thank God he got Antonio to film this…it'd be a very good attraction!

**Meanwhile**

Matthew flicked through the books happily. Arthur had such a fantastic collection of books, even if his sorcery books were locked away in his actual house, in the basement.

Matthew sighed as he looked at a few pictures. There was once of Arthur holding a baby Alfred, and a forgotten Matthew shoved to the back. On either side of Arthur was a pissed off beardy Scotsman, and a seemingly Welsh guy. With one hand, Arthur was keeping an Irish man away from Siobhan, who was on the other side of the painting. Matthew realised that this Irish man was Northern Ireland. Siobhan's brother. She mentioned that she wasn't supposed to talk to him.

There was another painting of a pirate ship. It was really nice…

The door creaked open, and Matthew looked around.

"Oh, hey Gilbert!" Matthew said cheerily.

"Finally," Gilbert muttered, before approaching Matthew.

"What?"

"I've got you alone. That stupid Irish girl has gone to bed, and now, I have you to myself!" and with that, Gilbert pushed Matthew against the wall, and smashed his lips against Matthew's.

_WHAT THE HELL? Ooh, nice, no, wait? What? _

_Yes, finally…_

Matthew squeaked and gasped, blushing furiously. It was kind of strange…he'd chosen to forget what happened a few days ago because Gilbert didn't bring it up. It was nice, though…to feel another GUY'S lips was a bit surprising, but not bad at all. More good than bad.

Gilbert fisted his hands in Matthew's dark blond hair, pushing the curl away impatiently. Matthew was sure he was redder than any tomato, ever! EVER!

"M-maple!" Matthew broke away, panting for breath. This was crazy! Good but crazy! What?

"Birdie. Shh."

Gilbert kissed Matthew more deeply this time, and Matthew blushed again, feeling his skin heat up so much…he tentatively wrapped his skinny arms around Gilbert's neck, patting his hair unevenly.

Shame, Kumajirou! You do NOT love Birdie as much as Gilbert! Does Kumajirou even like Matthew at all?

Matthew's glasses were knocked to the floor, and Gilbert slipped off his jacket (insert Matthew squeal) as he pulled Matthew onto the sofa. He didn't really care about how the cushions would get squashed…Matthew's foot knocked a tea pot and it smashed. Who cares? Arthur. No one else.

Matthew felt absolutely wonderful, and Gilbert felt awesome-r than usual. So much so, that they didn't hear the floor creak above them.

Mattie couldn't help feeling rather turned on…he really really liked Gilbert, more than maple syrup…

**Carnaby Street**

Somehow, Alfred convinced Kiku to do his world famous pocky dance with Francis. Kiku sighed. Francis was being really over the top about it, and he was rather annoyed when Feliciano joined in too. Now it just seemed stupid.

He was well aware of the fact that Feliks was filming this, but he didn't want to stop because then he'd look like a spoil sport and he didn't want to disturb the peace either.

Arthur felt a sudden sense of disturbance…

"Hello, da~" Russia said brightly, and the woman at the cash desk shrank back a bit. Yao felt sorry for her, as he browsed. He was proud to see that most of the things were made in China.

"How can I help?" the woman asked quickly, patting her afro slowly. "What'd you like?"

"Um, tell me, da, is this store doing quite well?" Ivan's thick accent wasn't doing him any favours. From what the poor cashier heard, Russians weren't exactly…patient? Is that true?

"Yes, it's the best in the street, now what would you like to buy?"

"Then, the shop."

"Excuse me?"

"This shop is doing well, da? It should become one with Mother Russia, then."

"What?"

"You have heard me, stop being so unmanageable and hand over the papers," Ivan said dangerously, that infamous purple aura emitting from his jacket.

"Can I see your scarf?" asked the woman politely, trying to lessen the seriousness of the atmosphere.

"Nyet. Now, please give me rights to the shop." 

"YES, FINE! FINE!" wailed the woman, and ran out of the shop, losing her job while she was at it. The shop is now called "RUSSIA.7"

**Back at the house**

Siobhan wondered if she should offer them a cup of IRISH coffee? That was always good for the soul…

**Downstairs**

Matthew was slightly nervous. He didn't particularly want this sort of thing to happen on a sofa…

"Birdie," whispered Gilbert.

"HOLY FUCK!" screamed Siobhan, and she dropped the cup of coffee she was holding, shattering another precious piece of equipment.

To be fair, it was really quite hot.

Matthew looked terrified! They'd been discovered? Was that bad? What?

Gilbert looked fairly relaxed, if not a bit pissed off.

"Wait…" muttered Gilbert, smirking.

Siobhan clamped a tissue to her nose, and fainted. Ireland gained 1000 dislikes on Facebook.

**Hahaha! Yaaay! I think that went well? I love you guys! Reviews please? Thank you all for the amazing feedback and help and ideas! Mentioned N.I and others there ;) but that's not all!**

**Yay!**

**Ireland probably DID gain like 1000 dislikes on Facebook. She's OTAKU! LOLOL!**

**With all due respect, GOODNIGHT AND GOOD DAY!**


	10. Chapter 10

'**Allo mate!**

**Lol. I'd like to thank you guys for the birthday wishes and the wonderful reviews! Ireland is a party pooper at times, but she likes you guys too XD**

**I think I'll have to put in a little bit of drama soon ;) otherwise it'll be repetitive. It's not here, though, this is just a filler chapter for ZE DRAMA! –gasps-**

**Haha, with not much more ado, I shall begin**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 9: Oh my Awkward Turtle**

"Aggghhh!" Matthew squeaked, jumping off the sofa (and Gilbert), hopping around, "She's dead!"

"She's not dead, she's just a party pooper." Gilbert sniffed. The mood was gone, and he scowled.

"B-but her face is, um, covered in blo-blood! Maybe I kicked her or something!" Matthew suddenly realised that he wasn't wearing a shirt, and hurriedly put it on (badly).

"She's had a nosebleed. Come on, Birdie, I am pretty sexy, you have to admit." Gilbert smirked, soaking the tissue before carelessly wiping Siobhan's bony face clear of blood.

"A wh-? What the?" Matthew blushed wildly, patting his hair down, and Gilbert rolled his eyes. Of course he was sexy! Everyone knows that!

"We have to revive her before the losers return and find their little loser friend has been knocked out by sheer hotness. Hungary and Poland'll never let us forget it. Neither will my bruder, I'll probably be nagged for all eternity."

"You're not nice, eh…" Mattie said softly, rubbing his lavender eyes. Gilbert almost melted right there on the spot. But awesomeness does not bow down to cuteness, so he didn't melt.

Siobhan groaned, and Matthew squeaked. "Zombie!"

"She's not an undead freak, Mattie. She might be a bit weird, and a bit stupid, but she's not a zombie" Gilbert buttoned up his shirt, looking at Matthew. Matthew had NOT buttoned his shirt up properly. He smirked. It could stay like that for a while; who DOESN'T want to make people feel jealous? Badly buttoned shirts=sexy acts done in the last hour. Canada is Prussia's now.

Gilbert sighed, and went into Arthur's kitchen, and Matthew stared at Siobhan, slightly scared to be left alone with her. Alfred's scared-ness must've rubbed off on him.

Gilbert returned with a huge bottle of Guinness. Of course…Siobhan loved Guinness! She kind of was an underage drinker, but, that didn't really matter much to Gilbert. He'd been drinking beer since forever.

Gilbert ripped off the bottle cap, before pouring the entire contents into Siobhan's mouth.

"You mapleburger!" squeaked Matthew angrily, "she's going to be drunk!"

"It won't take effect 'till later. She's weird. It's to make her wake up."

Sure enough, Siobhan moaned again, rubbing her eyes.

She stirred slightly, and woke up. She looked very alert indeed.

"All the people in Ireland have just awoken from a 10 minute slumber…" said the radio. That's weird.

"Oh, damn!" she squawked, and stood up, wiping her skirt, "I'm sorry to barge in on you…I, er, I, um….I was going to ask if you wanted some Irish coffee but you seemed pretty preoccupied, hahahahaa, hey, this is the longest I've been able to talk to you two without running away like a crazy person!"

Matthew slowly nodded along, trying to understand. Kumajirou walked over to him, and Matthew picked him up, petting him slowly. He stared at Siobhan.

"You guys, hahah, I didn't realise you were like, eloping on a magical journey of potta goldy leprechauns, it's not even Valentines day yet or anything, it's July, ahahaha! Isn't that hilarious?" she scuffed her feet, "Oh no, there's a mess, I better clean it up, right?"

She picked up the shards of the teapot and cups, mopping up the coffee and tea, before putting it in the bin and reluctantly coming back in. She avoided eye contact completely.

"Oi. See-ob-hain." Gilbert spoke harshly, glaring at her.

"You say it Sheh-Von." Siobhan smiled weakly.

"You're not telling anyone, got it? I'm not having fucking Elizaveta putting up cameras, or Francis asking to join in, or Arthur screaming at us every time we show public displays of affection."

Matthew's cheeks burned red. Francis asking to join in. Public displays of affection…

"I swear I won't." she placed a hand to her heart, and smiled wanly.

At that point, the front door banged open.

"Got me looking so crazy right now!" Alfred sang, his arm round Arthur's shoulder. Arthur looked very awkward.

"Ah, c'est l'amour!"

"It's not LOVE, Francis, shut up!"

"Mais you've made the effort to learn the language of love, so evidently, c'est!" Francis sang, spinning around. Because that's normal.

"Artie!" Alfred puppy dog eyed, "Don't you like me?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question, git?" Arthur said frantically.

Japan sighed, and walked in with Germany. Germany was carrying a sleeping Feliciano, much to Lovino's distaste. Although, he couldn't talk, because he was holding hands with Antonio. Aww.

Gilbert laughed obnoxiously, standing up.

"You've been out LOSERING!" he jeered, and put his arm around Matthew.

"Kesesesese, I got an ALLY in the process. It's a wonder what a bit of Irish Coffee can do for the soul."

Everyone was inside, now. Sealand was in the cupboard, and Liechtenstein was asleep in Switzerland's arms. He sighed, patting her head slowly. Ireland smiled warmly at this. Latvia and Estonia were being squashed by Russia (Canada was glad that HE himself wasn't being crushed), who was holding China like a doll.

"Good China, da~ you have agreed to become one!"

"I didn't!"

"Oh, you're just in denial!"

"Aiyah! You became one with that shop, aru, not me!"

"Denial~" sang Russia sweetly, stroking his head slowly.

"We're in a milk crisis!" yelled Alfred randomly.

"Where's Poland?" Francis asked, and Arthur frowned at the memory.

"God, he's modelling for some guy or something."

There was a bit of a silence, and Feliciano wasn't awake to say "AWKWARD TURTLE!"

Ireland sighed, sitting up. Everyone winced at her bones cracking.

"I'd better go make us some tea, right? And shut up, Arthur, I know tea's from YOUR COUNTRY," she said mockingly, "but I'm allowed to do ANYTHING! I'm a thief!"

Everything she just said was true. She walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.

"Oh, bugger!" she exclaimed, and everyone burst out laughing.

More silence.

Japan noticed that Canada's shirt looked slightly strange…the buttons were done weirdly! Eugh! Wait. What else did that mean. It meant Canada was badly dressed, for sure. But that's not what it means in anime…

Could it be? Japan's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth slowly, to ask questioningly,

"Canada kun?"

All of a sudden, the door banged open, and in walked Poland. His hair was done up all shiny, and he was wearing oversized shades and a stylish scarf, skinny jeans, and a long, baggy, black top, like a girl. He was dressed freaking amazing, but it was the wrong GENDER!

He jumped dramatically, whipping off his sunglasses. He began to sing…

"I've been looking for a driver who is qualified, so if you think you're the one step into my ride! I'm a fine tuned super sonic speed machine!"

Everyone paused and looked at him, and he sang a few more lines, until this bit came up. Ireland suddenly felt strange. The Guinness must've taken effect!

She joined in the fricking song at this line! That's not even organised! Ludwig and Kiku had a spaz attack at the amount of disorganised

"Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean, got a ride that's smoother than a limousine!"

Everyone paused, and Arthur dutifully picked up Poland's video camera and began to film the entire thing. Ireland was such a retard.

"Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights? If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night…"

That last line was just amazingly hilarious. None of them had curves, Ireland couldn't drive, and…yes, it was just epic.

"DUDE, BRO! YOU GUYS ARE MAKING SUCH IDIOTS OF YOURSELVES!"

"Shut up, Alfred, that's not the real saying, and you can talk."

"You're just jealous because you ain't got the keys."

Ludwig face palmed.

Face palm moment number twenty billion trillion and forty four.

**Okay, nothing really happened in this chapter, don't kill me XD Kiku is starting to become suspicious! Oh my Giddy gosh gosh brosh! **

**Did ya' like it?  
:3**

**Thank you!**

**By the way, I do not own Shut up and Drive by Rihanna, I didn't create it or sing it or play any part in it. It's not mine.**

**Ok?**

**Ireland got drunk XD**

**Poland had a celebratory song.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! I don't really know what to do in this chapter except LES DRAMAS and a bit of humour XD it's quite serious sometimes, a little less crack-y, but it's still there alright! Someone appears in this Chapter. I did not create this character because he's been mentioned in the web comic. Siriusly Chibi called him Johnny, so there we are. A note…Siobhan is not the main character, she's just quite central in this bit for the drama. It's funny drama, though.  
I'm going to write another SERIOUS story (PruCan again, gosh I've got some obsession) probably after this chapter because I'm in such a serious mood my eyes will blow up. I don't know. LOL apparently I called Matthew Alfred at one point XD fail whale! Of course it would happen…but try to ignore it please! Please? I'm so sorry! Thanks for pointing it out, now I have apologised! ~**

**Don't own Hetalia.**

**Don't own I Kissed A Girl.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 10: Encounter(s)**

"WOW! THAT WAS SO BRILLIANT!" yelled America, standing up and applauding, "POLAND! You finally did something USEFUL!"

Even Japan and Germany were clapping, everyone was. Prussia was clapping (for Feliks, of course; who the hell applauds for an un-awesome person like Siobhan?) too. There was no point saying that Canada was clapping, though, because once again, he had faded into the background, only to be noticed by Prussia and sat on by Russia.

Arthur massaged his temples. He was NOT applauding.

He was just sitting there, asking himself why the hell Poland had some freaky obsession with cross dressing (that angel outfit he had was DEFINITELY not a girl's outfit) and how Siobhan managed to get drunk. He brought her up better than that. True, he did kind of leave her to fend for herself when Prussia decided to kick her arse…but that had nothing to do with alcohol! Even though Prussia was notorious for his beer loving attitude…

Switzerland stopped clapping, and looked a bit freaked out. What the hell was going on? He could knock some sense into the two performers with a peace prize…

"OIII! Sw-Swaziland! N-noo….I mean, Switzerla…nd…I fink, you're like, sexy, and, I fink…I love you! Ahhaaahah!" Siobhan stumbled drunkenly, falling over the table and smashing the rest of the tea set. Romano and Spain were sniggering to themselves. Ha, what idiots these cold countries are.

"Um, I think she needs some air, aru…" China said uncertainly, being cut off when Russia cheerily slammed his hand on the other Nation's mouth. It was so much easier to rule a country when it was drunk…

"I'll get her," Arthur said tiredly, and Poland rolled his fabulous eyes. What was the big deal? Maybe Ireland simply couldn't handle the totally fabuliciousness of what truly was and still is Poland.

"No, Mister Moo Moo, you ain't gettin' me!" Ireland started to gabble in this truly awful cockney accent, "B'cause you get drunk'n I never get to 'elp you, nope! Hahaahrrghgh…"

Japan sighed, and Germany face palmed. Ireland was quite frankly rubbish at handling alcohol, and she never helped Arthur when he was drunk. Francis did that (with rape?) and so did Alfred (with Americani**Z**ing?)

Switzerland finally snapped and said, "Listen, Siobhan. You better get the fuck outside before I shoot you with my gun, bitch!" he covered Liechtenstein's ears while saying this, and gained many strange looks.

Silence.

"Kinky." Giggled Ireland, before falling over.

There was a gust of cool wind, and Canada sighed. Finally, COLD! In this house it was getting kind of hot because of all the people in it. Could it even hold that many people? Where was that wind coming from? Russia? No, because if it is wind from Russia and Russia is sitting on Canada, yuck. Russia had more dignity than that, though.

While Switzerland and England tiresomely carried Siobhan outside, Prussia was developing strategies to get Russia off Canada. Russia shall never be one with Canada. That's just un-awesome. It's LAME!

"Hey, Russia. I'll let you become one with China if you get off Canada." Prussia smirked, and Canada sighed in relief. China blanched. What the hell? How could-

"Da ~ an excellent proposition, Pruss-ee-a!" Russia smiled childishly, and got off Canada, who resembled one of the crepe/pancakes he was so famous for being able to make.

"Maple…" moaned Matthew, rubbing his possibly broken ribs.

"So, China…" Russia's smile widened, as he picked up China, "Dibs."

Italy suddenly got an idea!

_Russia and China are getting on really well! Ve~ it's like they're in love! How lovely! I think Germany would respond in a very good way! Because…Russia's cooler than me…and…if I do something like Russia, maybe he'd like me more? Maybe?_

"Hey, Germany!" Italy beamed, and Germany turned around, his face showing how pissed off he was.

"Vat is it, Italy?" he asked tiredly. That silly nation never really left him alone.

"Whee!" Italy jumped, and as expected, Germany caught him. Italy laughed happily, and of course, Romano scowled and muttered 'bastard' and 'potato' again and again.

Japan noted with slight amusement that Arthur and Vash were failing at actually getting Siobhan outside. She seemed to be confessing her love to the floor, after drawing a disturbed Switzerland's face on it.

"And I love…you…you're hot."

Prussia laughed at how stupid Siobhan was, and shuffled closer to Matthew, smirking all the way. Matthew blushed fierily, before snuggling Gilbert's shoulder (aw). Gilbert decided that Matthew's Matthew-ness can come before awesomeness in general.

The door banged open.

A shadow stood in it…

Everyone looked up, and gasped. It couldn't be! This guy hadn't been seen in years! Who was he? Who on earth…

"Siobhan, get up." He snapped, in a slightly familiar accent, "stop flirting with Switzerland, you'll end up regretting it."

A pause.

"Johnny?" she asked woozily, standing up, using Switzerland and Arthur as things to lean on, "is that you? Northern Ireland?"

"Yes it fecking is me, now, sober up and listen." He said harshly, although inside, his heart was brimming with joy. He hadn't seen his sister since…Prussia…he glared at the Prussian man sitting with a rather sweet…wait, what was that? Was that a person? Oh, right. Canada.

"Oh, look who it is!" he snapped suddenly, glaring at Prussia. That bastard, what the hell did he do this time? Get her pissed? Wouldn't put it past him to do that? With all his crazy antics…he probably made her do that thing…

"What do you want, loser?" Gilbert demanded, getting angry at the hug-interrupter. Siobhan stared suddenly.

"Piss off! How can you be so fecking aloof in a situation like this, Jesus Christ!"

Romano and Italy gasped at this horrible misuse of Jesus' name.

"Shut up."

"No! You're a sister basher. Why the hell did you go to-."

"Johnny. If you're just going to piss around with Prussia, then leave now. But if you want to say something to Siobhan, make it brief." Came the disciplinary voice of Arthur. Johnny locked eyes with Arthur, not really knowing what to think of him.

Arthur. A bit brutal at times, civilised, though…Johnny didn't really know what to do when it came to him. Sometimes he trusted Arthur, other times he didn't.

"Yes. I was going to do your job, seeing as you're so crap at doing it!" snapped Johnny, pushing back his brown hair impatiently. He turned to Siobhan. "Sibby. You're a good Catholic, right? Broke as hell, but you still have that necklace…"

Siobhan smiled weakly, the alcohol starting to leave her body, "Yeah, I'm a very good Catholic. Ita-something said so."

"Then…may you possibly tell me why you starred in the I Kissed a Girl VIDEO?" yelled Johnny suddenly, and there was a silence. Lots of people burst into laughter.

"Pft, what?"

"That one! That's you! Don't say it's not, 'cause it is! Look! We can tell it's you!" shouted Johnny furiously, and stormed right over to Siobhan, "Damn! Why can't you…"

"I what?"

"You FRICKING KISSED someone! In the background! It's against your religion, what the feck were you thinking?" yelled Johnny, causing Prussia to laugh at Siobhan's misfortune. Matthew also buried his head deeper into Gilbert's shoulder, not wanting to endure an argument between 2 siblings. It couldn't get any better for Gilbert.

"Johnny?" Siobhan asked, looking up at her brother.

He glared at her, his stare burning fire into Siobhan's slightly unfocused eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Japan melted inside. This was so amazingly heart breaking! The protective parent character hanging in the background, the tsundere brother, and the cute apologetic girl…the moe of it ALL!

Italy cooed too, making Germany blush like hell.

"It's good ta see you, Siobhan." Johnny held out his arms, and Siobhan ran into them, and they hugged. Japan could practically see the cute little petals blowing around, and a bright white light shining through.

Arthur scowled. They weren't supposed to meet each other again. Ever.

"I love you, Johnny!" she cried, and that concluded the evening.

**That would be the end of an eternally corny story. It's the end of her evening, she's met her brother for the first time in years, I think it's quite sweet! Yes~ it's not as funny, but I haven't forgotten about the bed thing, that's gonna cometh fortheth. Yesh.**

**I know it wasn't as funny, but as I said, serious mood kills all. Thanks.**

**3 review please! **


	12. Chapter 12

***Cough* God knows, how did I end up in the Sahara Desert? I AM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU! Nooooo! **

**Please forgive me, I am so sorry! **

**And plus, I'm afraid to say, I'm not very happy with this chapter **

**I'm so glad the last chapter got such positive reviews, yay! Chaaaw! :3 kesesesese, they are gonna prepare for sleep in this chapter and other stuffs. :D**

**Yaaay! You guys, it was my party yesterday YAY. I invited Russia but….he's busy doing something or other. Most likely China. (LOL Francis get off my computer.) And other stuff. I don't own Hetalia or any songs mentioned unless I say otherwise! I got my friends into Hetalia. That's how awesome it is, although they don't know I write fanfics (OMG) so shh :P**

**IMPORTANT STUFF! **_This chapter is going to be more sexually orientated than otherwise, so children, shield your eyes!_

**Thanks ~ I'm so glad the title of this story is considered awesome!**

**When you see hints of songs, you should listen to them, okay?**

**Warnings-Apply ESPECIALLY to this chapter**

**Innuendo. And a lot of it.**

**Smexiness. Lol, I am a bit shit at writing that. Do forgive~**

**Swearing.**

**Sexual talk.**

**DRAMA!**

**Not as much humour as usual.**

**Happy day, Pedobear. **

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 11: Innuendo**

After Feliks had literally been dragged to bed by Toris (in a non sexual yet fabulous way), things had started to quieten down. Johnny had also disappeared out, evidently not wanting to stay in the B&B. But not before he tucked Siobhan into bed, patting her hair lovingly (although he'd never admit it).

Matthew felt himself drifting off into a peaceful sleep. But he didn't want to sleep…what was he leaning against? Something soft…his eyes fluttered open, and he realised he was still in the living room. Still. God, he just wanted to sleep; that one day was jam packed with everything! He had finally been noticed by many people, and yet…it was enough.

Something soft. What was it? Matthew could smell that strange scent. Comforting. Sort of sharp, but nice. Like, Ireland was supposed to smell of freshly cut grass, although, this smell was different. Very nice. There was a hint of beer, but…he sniffed deeply, and looked up.

Something hit him on the head.

_WTF you DOIN', bro? XD_

Ah, Alfred. He looked over at Alfred, who sniffed deeply, mockingly. Matthew blushed fiery red, and sat up to look at the room. It seemed quieter than normal. Almost everyone had gone to bed. It was just Ivan, Alfred, Gilbert, and Matthew himself.

It was reasonably peaceful.

"Matvey looks tired," Ivan said considerately, "You should take some rest." Matthew blinked. Since when did Ivan what Matthew to be well rested? Wait, since when was he called MATVEY?

"Since when are Commie Soviets nice?" demanded Alfred, who seemed anything but tired. He munched on a hamburger and slurped on some fizzy drink/soda. Perhaps all that hormone-filled junk food made him awake. Although, Matthew secretly knew Alfred was just being rude because he was strong enough to do so.

"They're not all communists, you know," Matthew pointed out politely, putting his glasses back on. He was trying his very hardest not to look at Gilbert. The earlier encounter may have been pretty damn hot and all, but it was embarrassing to think about it around other people. Besides, he needed to return Ivan's kindness.

"Yeah, Matt, quite a lot of them are. And Russi-o here is still a Soviet." Gilbert spoke loudly and obnoxiously, as always.

_He had a pet name for me! And Ivan, but still…Matt!_

"You know, this silence is quite nice, da" Ivan said, "I wonder if I could just deal with you once and for all right here. I'm starting to wonder why I didn't finish you all off back at Costco."

"IT'S COSCO!" roared a voice, and was followed by a creaking noise. Arthur sleep talked, huh?

_Oh, that's right; they call it Cosco in Britain._

"He's just talking to flying mint bunny," Alfred stage whispered, and Gilbert played along, putting his mouth into the shape of an O and putting part of his hand over his mouth, as if to say, 'scandalous'.

"Scandalous!" Poland exclaimed, poking his head through the door, then doing exactly the same movement as Gilbert had moments ago.

Poland disappeared as quickly as he appeared which was pretty weird and cliché.

Gilbert stared at Matthew, smiling strangely. Matthew gazed up woozily, making eye contact. Lilac and red…strange…

Alfred started to get really angry, as in, really angry. He didn't want his brother to not be straight! What if Arthur got the two confused and-ouch. Ivan was crushing Alfred's strong hand, smiling brilliantly.

Matthew really liked Gilbert. Perhaps they could pass under rainbows.

Matthew imagined Gilbert holding him, spinning round like a romantic film. It would be perfect!

Gilbert, however, preferred to imagine far more obscene and inappropriate things.

Outside, Francis was proud at his little Mathieu. He was growing up! And perhaps Gilbert'd make love to him! Wait! He had an absolutely stupendous idea; it was so amazingly French that he would shock himself at his sheer genius.

Francis took one of the pictures of Matthew's face that Roderich had drawn (don't ask) and put it on his face. He adjusted it, and it looked really realistic and fabulous. Other than the fact a definitely French body was behind it.

"Love me, Love me" by Arsenium came on, and France jumped in, and started to sing.

"When you're lonely in the night, I'll be there to hold you tight…" Francis sang beautifully, but it was…

"WHAT THE FUCK?" yelled Alfred, and Ivan smiled, amused.

Matthew buried his head in his hands, getting rather embarrassed. Gilbert was grinning absurdly, pulling Matthew closer to him. It got worse as Francis did melodramatic actions. Like fainting, and blowing kisses, and winks…and swoons. To the lyrics. And he was gesturing them from Gilbert to himself. As if Matthew was singing.

"Every night we will kiss in the moonlight, you are never gonna cry, I will never make you cry-y!" Francis-Matthew sang. Oh no! He had nailed the Canadian accent and tone of voice! Except more desperate, and sexy! Nooo!

Matthew thought it was kind of humiliating…_Francis is supposed to be like a carer, and yet he's trying to get Gilbert to do sexual acts with me! _

"Love me, Love me, Love Me, Pru-Prus-Pruss-ee-a, Feel me, _touch _me, HOLD me, Pru-Prus-Pruss-ee-a," oh no, it was getting more dramatic all the time! And he substituted the 'La' for Prussia! No! "Take my heart; I am lonely, Pru-Prus-Pruss-ee-a,"

Matthew felt Francis push him onto Gilbert, and Alfred yelled in protest, before Ivan literally home run-ed Alfred-baseball out of the door with his metal pipe. Alfred yelled obnoxiously as he flew through the air, and crashed into a wall somewhere in the house.

"Kiss me; touch me, LOVE ME, LOVE ME!" Francis was begging now, his arms open wide, about to push Matthew even closer until Ivan took the opportunity to hug Francis.

"I like hugs, da…"

"Le GASP!" Francis gasped girlily, putting the mask on the floor, "Russia! I will not become one with you!" And with out he skipped out of the room, before poking his head back in to say, 

"Gilbert… Do it like a lover. ~"

Matthew squealed in humiliation, and suddenly looked up at the rather inappropriate position he was in with a rather chuffed looking Gilbert. It was pretty damn hot, needless to say, but the atmosphere was ruined by a slightly creepy Russian looking on.

"Ah~"

Gilbert smirked brightly at how completely awesome he was. Francis did something useful. Yeah!

Ivan stood up, and left.

Awkward silence. Why was it awkward? Siobhan was not going to interrupt again, and everyone else was asleep! Everyone! So why did Matthew not go ahead and just…

Outside, a car zoomed past with "Pump It" by the Black Eyed Peas played.

"Come on baby just pump it- louder- pump it- louder….and say!"

Matthew blushed brightly as the lyrics were insanely inappropriate. Louder. Ha. He shook his head furiously. Was that Frenchman's Frenchness rubbing off on Matthew? No, that can't be possible! Matthew truly wanted to avoid raping people at all costs. He simply wasn't that sort of person.

_Unless it's Gilbert. You honestly wouldn't mind screwing him a few times over. He's gonna invade your vital regions and you're gonna like it. There better be some kinkiness in there!_

_**Shut up, hormones! Or…Elizaveta! Get out of my mind!**_

_You know it's true. Besides, he's going to do it to you anyway so-_

_**Shut up!**_

"Mattie." Gilbert said quietly, looking at Matthew, his red eyes darkening with something that Matthew didn't particularly want to be true but then did…

"Y-eesss?" Matthew squeaked, frowning.

"Hey baby I'm a rock star!" Someone yelled. Most likely Siobhan; she was sleep singing. Stupid Irish people don't do to well when it comes to sleeping.

Gilbert completed the lyrics in his head.

_Oh baby I'm a- eh eh eh. Six inch walker, bitch, talker, I'd never play the victim, I'd rather play the stalker._

_Kesesesese, finally, Siobhan did something good. _To be frank about it, Siobhan did make Gilbert slightly turned on; for Matthew. Unfortunately, Matthew saw the pervertedness in the Prussian's eyes.

"Hahahaha, I should get changed and stuff, eh, goodnight…" Matthew squeaked. He changed extra quick into his pyjamas. Dull, old clothes. He mentally slapped himself; why did he keep avoiding the opportunity to get shagged? He even resorted to using a British term like 'shagged'. That's how stupid he felt.

**-Think 10 minutes before Matthew went upstairs- **

Siobhan frowned to herself, as she woke up. She was not going to go downstairs or leave her room, but no one else was in her room! Where were they? Oh. Probably at the shops or something like that. Most likely at the shops.

What does that mean? She has the room to herself. She eyed the stereo in the corner, and a Rihanna CD. Loud, the new album. Ha. Now, this seemed pretty convenient. She remembered all the lyrics. Her memory was pretty damn good, even if she had trouble reading things. She couldn't read music or writing to save her life, but she passed things on by word of mouth or telling people or even learning by ear. Rihanna songs would be no problem

"Hey baby, I'm a rock star!" she sang to herself, feeling slightly ridiculous as she _tried_ to be sexy. Apparently she'd have to put on a bit of weight to do that. But she had no food. She heard a noise downstairs. Some people were still awake, gah.

"Alone, I can talk to myself. Now…" she thought aloud, smirking insolently. What did she truly want? Switzerland. Vash Zwingli, oh Lord, he was so…mmm…it wasn't alcohol influenced. She was no longer drunk. Her head was hurting slightly. Hangovers suck. She kicked her leprechaun friend out. She needed to think about personal things.

How could she annoy everyone and flirt with Switzerland (which would probably be unsuccessful. Even if he did 'neutrally help' her in the Costco war)…

How did Francis flirt? Sexual innuendo, huh? And music…

"Eh eh eh," she looked in her reflection. If she was a woman, she could use her _body _to seduce, right? Maybe? It was a popular decision! Really ultra popular! Even if Switzerland would probably be a bit freaked out (to say the least of the least,) and she actually rumbled around in peoples' luggage.

Aha! Exactly what she wanted! Elizaveta had a book on SEDUCTION! Perfect! Hahaha, now what sort of dances…apparently, you had to put your hands on your knees, and sort of toss your hair…hmmm….

She stole Elizaveta's camera, sneakily looking at the rather sexual pictures of the other nations, including herself, and wondered aloud…

"Six inch walker, Bitch, talker!" she sang with more attitude than usual, and tried and tried to perfect the sexy dance…mwahahaha, the world would like totally be seduced by HER.

Her leprechaun friend looked in on the whole situation. He turned to Flying Mint Bunny.

"Do you think it'll work?"

"Depends where Liechtenstein is, and whether Siobhan thinks to steal his gun or not; she's a good pickpocket."

**Back to the more important people.**

Matthew winced. What the hell were the people in the other rooms doing?

He sighed, and sat down. He knew what sort of mood Gilbert was in, and to be honest, he was pretty scared. Not that he didn't like Prussia or anything, not at all. Not that. It's just, isn't it always scary? Thinking about…that.

What if it went wrong? What if it hurt…what if he didn't like it?

According to Francis, it didn't hurt as much as it was pleasurable, although Matthew had doubts. Francis has a sex drive which is probably more active than his brain. Matthew, on the other hand, up until recently stayed away from sex.

Was he ready? He doubted it highly? He got the feeling that quite a few of the people in the cottage were 'in the mood'. Francis. Prussia - definitely. Romano. Himself (w-what?). Hungary. And Ireland, too. There was no denying she absolutely loved Switzerland (although no one else seemed to notice). Matthew doubted the feeling was mutual.

He heard the door open, and turned around. Gilbert was standing there, in the doorway. Matthew turned around, and squeaked as Gilbert pushed him onto the bed and slid on top of him…Matthew blushed again.

"You always blush. It's cute." Gilbert whispered into Matthew's ear, nipping lovingly. Matthew was at war with himself. Not good; Canada could explode as a country if Matthew killed his own mind.

"Not now, Gilbert! I'm-just…" Matthew squirmed, even though he didn't really want to escape.

Appropriately (or not) enough, next door, someone who sounded suspiciously Irish started to sing in another room,

"Cos I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it! Sex in the air, I don't care I love the smell of it! Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me!"

Gilbert smirked widely. Ireland wasn't being a complete cockblock, YES. Thank GOTT. He remembered too many occasions when he tried to get at Matthew but was obstructed by Ireland doing something...like throwing Bibles, walking in, throwing more Bibles, giving out rosary bracelets, painting a giant eye on the wall, the usual. At one point, he had been about to hug Matthew, but Ireland drove straight through the wall and destroyed the café in which a hug was about to happen, smashing everything and splashing coffee everywhere.

However, there was a significant lack of Bibles now, and more innuendo than in France's foot.

"S S S S and M M M!"

The Prussian man pressed his lips to Matthew's, and, to be honest, it was rather forceful. What was this? Matthew couldn't understand why he felt so excited; this sort of thing had only happened a few hours ago.

Matthew squeaked in protest/impatience, and knotted his fists in the albino's hair. Unfortunately for him, the whole event was being filmed by Poland. Under orders from Hungary.

Fortunately for him, it was probably not going to get to the world. Hungary would most likely make a shine, with regular fan worshippers as well as the occasional visit from Ireland.

"G-Gilbert!" Matthew moaned, and then his little honour bird in his mind started to argue with the little Hungary bird.

_What's the point in submitting to a nation that's not even really a nation?_

**Exactly! Might as well go ahead, not even hurting Canadian Pride, besides, Yaoi!**

"I like it when you say my name," Gilbert muttered, and started to unbutton Matthew's shirt…mwahaha, no idiotic Irish people to interrupt, no lame/strict brothers nearby…

Ohflah, Matthew worked out! Hockey abs turned Gilbert ON, like, a billion awesome bulbs times a thousand! Aww, Matthew's blushing…

"Ehh-not-I-, eh…I like your name," Matthew confessed, and gently (**Yes, Matthew, you are uke ;) **) kissed Gilbert's lips…

**Ireland 1****st**** person *le gasp***

Damn, I always get this feeling that I'm interrupting something. You know, generally getting in the way of sex. My middle name on Facebook is "COCK BLOCK ^^". Kind of ironic, really, because I am currently hearing some weird-arse noises from the room next door.

My throat hurts. Singing hurts. I may be a performer and everything, but I guess it is God's way of punishing me for singing about 'chains and whips' and God knows what else.

Anyhow, the reason I was singing. Switzerland. Now, what room is he in? Liechtenstein is not in the building at the moment; I think she's hanging with Sealand or something.

Gaahhhh, Switzerland is so hot…I love his hat, his clothes, his hair, his eyes, his skin, his physique, his personality, his peace prize, his 'cheap' cheese (it's not cheap! I can't afford something like that!), and God, the gun of smexiness and total swaha.

I looked pretty damn good, I had to admit. Stolen black clothes; Arthur wouldn't miss those skinny jeans, would he? Why does he even have them? Why do I care, I hate his fricking guts!

"S, S, S S, & M M," I sang to myself, and skipped out the door. Left or right?

Hmm…

Switzerland! Love me ~ we're both neutral…

"Oh-Russia? What are you doing here?" I frowned, and Russia shook his head sadly.

"What are you doing awake? I had a plan to execute, and now you have woken up it is ruined!"

I shrank back a bit, before beginning, "Where's Switzerland?"

"Oh, da~ I don't know, but when you find him, tell me what room he's in." Russia smiled unsympathetically, and pushed me out of the way. OUCH, my ribs! They cracked uneasily. Arthur was so going to kill me if I got bones on his clothes.

Wait, what was I wearing on top? Instead of my potato-recycled-sack shirt, I was wearing something clingy…hm. Why does Arthur have that?

A disturbing image popped into my head. Him and Alfred and Francis…Agghh, go away go away, brothers doing dutty stuff…ooh lala…

"Chains and whips excite me," I sang loudly, and kicked open a door. Hmm, this isn't Switzerland's room-OH SHIT! 

"HOLY FUCK, AND YES, IT IS AN OXYMORON!" I screeched, and witnessed a pretty damn awesome event.

Canada and Prussia. Making out. On a bed. Topless. Glasses on the floor. Bed sheets thrown about it. Moans—oh my. They were THAT close to doing something I had been singing about. S&M. Canada being…oh my. 

Wait. Prussia. SHIT SHIT! Oh crap, what am I doing-no! I've effectively committed suicide…damn. And all for trying to rape Switzerland, ah man! That really sucks leprechaun!

"Umm, yeah, hi…are you guys, like, shagging or some shit?" I said sheepishly. Prussia looked up, and gave me daggers. He got off Canada (mwa) and stormed over.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Prussia hissed, and I stepped back defensively. The fear kicked in…no, not again. 

"I was h-honestly ju-st trying to find Switzerland, ha…" I laughed nervously, "I sound like Canada, don't I?"

"DON'T YOU EVER COMPARE YOUR POOR ASS, UN-AWESOME SELF TO MY CANADA!" roared Prussia, "WHAT THE – Wait, what are you wearing?"

"Ahahha, nothing that your country wouldn't like, hahhaa,"

The door creaked open.

"WHAT THE HELL, IRELAND? YOU KILLED THE MOMENT!" Hungary ran in, and whacked me across the head with a rolled up newspaper. She was kind to Italy, why not me? "You're an otaku, you know you're supposed to join in!"

"What, I~"

A new voice arrived…

"You guys, this is like, totally, wasteful. Do you know how much memory my poor camera has? I'm saving it for like, awesome stuff, but this wastes space! Come on, people, and get it moving! Hey, Canada. Say something uber cute and like Prussia will~" Poland looked disappointed, and gained a shocked look from Canada.

"Hey, wait a second, you were filming this?" he blushed a fiery red, and I just stood there, fading into the background, "how dare you interrupt this moment?"

"I wasn't." Poland said, "Ireland was."

"Hey, I thought we were friends!" I spoke up angrily, slightly hurt. I danced with him! I sang something sexual with him! Even though I don't fancy him! He's not Switzerland!

"Actually, Feliks has a point. It sure would be kinky if you could watch you and Prussia do it again, and again, and again…" Hungary sighed, and then pulled out a hankie, covering her nose. Great, she's passed out.

"IRELAND! YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN ANY FUCKING SMARTER SINCE CENTURIES AGO!" Prussia shouted angrily, and Canada stood there, gobsmacked. I can see why, Canada. Your boyfriend is a scare-the-shit-out-of-Chuck-Norris Nazi, and I am actually being truthful here!

"Well, duh! Obviously not, I can't study when you guys are all trying to take over my country!" I bit back for the first time ever, standing my ground. God gave me a pat on the back, and I smiled.

"You've killed the moment," whispered Canada, and I stopped. He looked like he was about to cry, and that's what stopped my heart, just for a few seconds. I probably killed a few of my citizens, but…

"How could you? I- I never get anything!" his lower lip wobbled, "I lo-I love him, and you always ruin everything! You get in the way of things, just like my brother! Why can't I get anything? What have I done to deserve this?" he sat up, and looked at me straight in the eye, "Do you have a grudge against me?"

What the-

"No, I~"

"Well then, stop messing things up!"

I stared. Prussia stared. Hungary didn't stare. Poland stared. Canada had an opinion on things?

The door slammed open, and there stood the subject of my to-be affections. He was holding his gun, pointing it at all of us. He looked damn sexy, as always (except when he was tra-la-la ing with Japan that one time, in my imagination, or rather, Japan's). The only things that were off putting were the frilly pink pyjamas.

"Shut the fuck up, some of us are trying to…" he paused, and looked at what was happening, "Are you having an orgy?"

**And there we have it, BAM! A cliff hanger ending! Poor Switzerland, he got the French end of the stick if you know what I mean. Sorry if it's a bit OOC, I have serious HUMOUR WRITING BLOCK. It burns, it burns! Sorry if it's crappy. I really am. I'm just so tired and I have to do this now before I go on a trip and have exams…**

**Ireland loves Switzerland so much. She's got France-itis.**

**I can't believe I wrote so out of me-ly. It was so fast paced and dramatic. I guess bad things have happened recently, but, wow, I didn't know it would affect my funny bone.**

**Shit, I honestly can't believe I made you guys faithfully wait for so long, and then come out with THIS. It's like a sequel to something. ARGH.**

**Yours disappointingly, **

**B.C 3**


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors Note to my precious shblobs.**

**Hey you guys! Shblob is good so don't worry. Another author's note! It's just that I want you guys to have a say in what happens next chapter! And also to tell you some important news!  
Hidekaz Himaruya is contemplating making an Ireland character, that'd be a girl, and cries a lot. A bit like Siobhan. However, he's having trouble with making this character.  
I'd love to voice her…if she came out.**

**Well alright, on with business.**

**Okay, so Ireland got the exact reaction I wanted; people pitied her and got annoyed at her too. So why do I want that reaction…well, that's for you to figure out.**

**Anyhow, what would you like to happen next chapter? I'll probably end up mixing the ideas up together. Just so you know, I'm very busy over the next few weeks.**

**It would be better if it could involve Ireland making up for her upsetting Matthew and everyone else. But how?  
Of course, other stuff can happen too.**

**I value your opinion so, so much! :D It can really help me! **

**Thank you guys ~  
Love ya :D**

**PS: I'm not actually joking with the voicing bit, I'm doing a course **


	14. Chapter 14

**Yesh you guys! Sorry for the long time no update; I am also sorry if this chapter screws itself over. I love the ideas you gave me; I have incorporated quite a few into this chapter ;) not all of them though, sorry! But lots and lots of thanks to you ALL ^^**

**Warnings…**

**Excess Catholicism on the part of Ireland and the Italian brothers**

**No sexy times much :'( they are for the next chappie **

**Sweet brother sister stuff. (See Switzerland & Liechtenstein, and the Ireland twins)**

_**This chapter is a singy chapter! **_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any of the songs or characters. I own Siobhan for now (unless Hidekaz Himaruya decides to make an Ireland character) and I don't own Northern Ireland because he's been mentioned in the web comic. I've just built on his character.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 13: Making up for what others lost because of you.**

Arthur frowned. Why was the atmosphere at breakfast so tense? It definitely wasn't his cooking…he'd literally stuffed it down their throats. British cooking is definitely the best there is and it was absolutely necessary to make sure everyone got a helping. They weren't rationing anymore, you know!

But still, what the hell was wrong with anything? The only prolonged speech was from Feliciano when he said grace!

"So, l-lovely weather we're having, eh?" Matthew spoke up happily, and Romano glared at him sharply.

"British weather is shit storm. What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded hotly, and at that moment in walked Switzerland and Liechtenstein.

"Keep that language at home. Liechtenstein, would you want anything to eat?" Switzerland started his speech coldly, but it slowly got softer and softer and until it was practically gushing. Hungary, Japan, and Ireland were all smiling. England and Northern Ireland exchanged _the glance._

Liechtenstein was about to put the food in her mouth, but Ireland pushed it away suddenly.

"What the fuck was that?" demanded Switzerland suddenly. What the hell was Ireland up to? She couldn't stop Liechtenstein from eating! She's in some freaky crack mood! Crack-head!

"You gotta be careful! You missed the _GRACE._" Whispered Ireland, and glanced around, before leaning in closer. Switzerland started tensing up, as Ireland pulled him down so she could lecture them both, "You know, all that summoning _he_ does! And Russia…agh! You don't want to be damned, do you? Now, let me say grace for you both."

Switzerland frowned, but closed his eyes as she recited the grace.

Everyone was gazing in amazement. Since when did Ireland have a remotely motherly instinct? She usually stayed away from children. If you allow France to explain…

_Ireland hasn't exactly been a very romantic country. Although lots of people love her accent and music, and her hair and eyes, not many people like her nose, bony frame, skin, or chin. She needs to free up with her body, non? In my experience, she is much like Angleterre, although she would never admit it, oh hon hon hon. It is very difficult for her to engage in any sort of sexual activity because abortion is illegal unless the baby will die and her religion states that she is not to use contraception. Ireland is a reluctant prude. This is a possible reason why she gets jealous of other countries, and often makes brash decisions. She is not quite ready for a child yet, oh hon hon. Last time I tried something on her, she ran to the Vatican City and would not leave for a month._

_She is also a very angry and violent country, although she never seems to engage in wars. She seems to prefer doing small, secretive things which causes lots of disruption._

_That's what happens when you do not make love~_

_This, however, is no reason for mon cher Angleterre to be so uptight. He knows he wants me and he can't exactly get pregnant. LOVE ME!_

Ok, that's enough, France. Paedophile. Ireland isn't even that much younger than England.

Carrying on…

Ireland stood up quickly, patting Liechtenstein on the head softly and also Switzerland, her hand lingering a bit more than necessary. She blushed, before trying to walk off, retaining as much dignity as she possibly could.

Epic fail. She crashed into the wall and her nose cracked. She groaned woozily, and England and Prussia under-the-table high fived. Finally! Damn nation better be dead this time!

"NO, IRELAND! YOU ARE A SURVIVOR! C'MON, LIKE, DESTINY'S CHILD! YOU HAVE TO RIGHT YOUR WRONGS!" Poland yelled, and to everyone's surprise, Russia joined in too.

"Da, Ireland. You must come back to life so I can control you and your people and make you come crawling over to Mother Russia after you rejected England's care. Da, you must wake up." Russia cooed, and a plate smashed. Latvia was shaking all the way back in, well, Latvia.

Ireland woke up with a start, and it was Prussia's turn to groan.

England sighed. There was something strange going on. Both he and Japan were on to something! How could the others not notice? Have they not been in any situations? Well, it was up to Sherlock Arthur Kirkland Holmes and Kiku Honda Watson to solve this mystery! Get lost, Scooby Doo and America!

Silence.

"It's so grey here," muttered Germany, "Can ve not visit somevere more green next time?"

America jumped through the window, and started to sing.

"I, know a place, where the grass is really greener, warm, wet and wild, there must be something in the water!" America shouted, and England raised his eyebrows. What the hell. Much to everyone's dismay, Poland and Italy started to dance along.

Ireland wasn't.

"California Girls were unforgettable, daisy dukes, bikinis on top. Sun kissed skin so hot, will melt your popsicle!"

All the paler countries glanced at their unsunkissed skin. Hungary and Japan, however, imagined Matthew in a bikini being chased by Gilbert. –drools-

"IT'S ICE LOLLY!" roared England. Ireland and Northern Ireland nodded in agreement.

"California Girls were undeniable, fine fresh fierce, we got it on lock!"

Then France jumped in, and everyone squeaked. He had a fricking dress on! Where did that come from!

"Sex, on the beach!"

At that point, major face palm.

And then the music stopped.

Matthew secretly wished he looked like a California girl. But that was for America, that obnoxious idiot. America was a California girl. Boy. Gender neutral chibi thing. Prussia put his arm around Canada. Happy songs for the win!

Then something struck Ireland. Something clever! The intelligent thought clogs were whirring in her head, the dust falling from them in vast amounts. Ireland was…thinking! Yay! And it wasn't something scary!

It was like when America made McDonalds! It was like when Ireland first went to see the Pope! Like when England made the 'perfect' scone! When France had a 33000-some in Paris! When Canada got called CANADA!

If she could get them to go to Brighton Beach…California Girls…if everything was so good there…the closest place that England had to California was Brighton Beach! Then everything was all smiley and happy! And it was romantic! And old people go there to DIE! 

It was perfect! There would be no annoying people there other than her! And there was mini golf! What a splendid idea! 

It was decided. California Girls? Nay, Brighton Boys.

**Okay, epic not funniness and epic shortness. Epic filler chapter to prepare for the next chapter! Yay! Thanks for the reviews and faves! You guys are like totally extra comforting. Sorry for the shortness and the not funniness. This was a filler, sorry.**

**But I found it really brief. Trust me, next chapter will be better. I've just been extra busy again, you know, exams…**

**Lol.**

**Sorry! ^^  
Reviews? Any Matthew-Alfred confusions again? BTW In one chapter I said that Ludwig's eyes were brown. That was intended, but I forgot to explain why. It's because of the whole "OMG NAZI CHILD!" thing in Leyton, which is where the Cosco is. I live in…Leytonstone.**

**LOL you guys don't know where that is ^^ most likely.**

**Sorry if it was too fast paced.**

**Happy days in what you're doing! Yaaay!**


	15. Chapter 15

**LOL guys, thanks so much for the amazing reviews! I am updating ASAP but I have a French exam on Monday .**

**Oh well D:**

**Anyhow, yes! **** I have a fantabulous idea, and I do think it is a sort of jump from what you expected. Not really.**

**I don't own Hetalia.**

_**Warnings**_

_**Damn everything, this is rated M, mofos. Mild sexy times please ^^ the bigger one is actually in the next chapter. I just thought the journey would be funny.**_

**Wahey! **

**Onwards! **

There's No More Room in The Bloody Inn

**Chapter…I've actually lost count. . sorry - Epic FAIL, I think it's 13**

**Poland's First Person ****WOW **– Listen to Fabulous in High School Musical when you think necessary

I frowned. It looked as if Ireland was having an Epiphany. As in, like, The Simpsons Movie with Boob Lady. Most likely Ukraine or something equally as totally freaky. But yeah.

Damn she annoyed me. How could she possibly want to waste my camera space? That's stupid. Anyway, she, like, was thinking of something hopefully fabulous. I heard the radio mention that the weather was going to be hot and sunny for the day. Hmph. I came to England for unpredictable crap!

Anyway, focusing on someone more interesting…

Russia. I don't need him or anything, but he was like, um, forcing China to lean on him. I find it hilarious the way this totally ANCIENT guy like China (I must get his wrinkle cream brand; his foundation like totally worked on Liet) is forced by this weird Russian to _lean _on him.

I was lucky my pink BB totally had space left over. The wallpaper was a cute picture of my horse. Well, one of the 5000 little equine bunches of fabulous that I own. Damn France! Why are you making me think 'equine'?

Anyhow. Yeah. I could like totally see the sexual tension between Prussia and Canada. They were like, I don't know, sort of twitching.

"POLAND! Yo DUDE!" America yelled obnoxiously in my ear. Ouch. My ear would go all hurty and ouch. Oh, maybe it would go pink! Yeah! Sometimes I kinda sympathised with America because he like sometimes used 'Totally' and 'Like'.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just wanna make my presence known to countries in…er…where are you situated again?" America asked sheepishly, and Lithuania sighed, before reciting the exact geographical location of my beautiful homeland.

He comes over to my place enough to know exactly where it is. Like, sure, he goes to America's house, but he doesn't do chores for me! It's way more fun to do modelling together, right? And sometimes rehab, but I don't like to think about that.

"G-Gilbert…what are we going to do?" I heard that sweet little Canadian speak up. Gilbert, huh? Must be Prussia. No one else would have such a weird name. Why can't it be something memorable, like, um, POLANDSHOE, that'd be totally easy to remember.

"I don't know. I guess that mofo could think of something to make up to the awesome us. She had an epiphany just now, so whatever." Prussia grinned widely, poking Canada's little nose. Aaw…sorry Japan, and you too Hungary, but your cameras have been stolen for the purposes of snapshotting. And if you have a problem, I can use Liet's credit card to pay you back.

"Gil! P-please try to, uh, be quieter! She's not DEAF!" hissed Canada, "She's a hell of a lot of trouble, right, but she's not deaf. So please be considerate, eh?"

"You're so cute when you're angry," Prussia said what I was thinking, and I beamed as he continued, "if we were upstairs…besides, try to be quieter…you're asking for it, Birdie."

I wondered how England was. I mean, we know where his lair is. America found it out. But seriously; isn't this, like, really damaging for his business? I will totally not leave. That's just a stupid idea.

But he looked as if he needed a holiday…and Japan wasn't catching on, so someone had to do something.

"I've got an IDEA!" Ireland stood up, and there was a stream of light that shot through the window and lit her up. Snap. I would totally caption this, _LOL this girl is Holy but she's annoying, XD , xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

"What is it?" asked France curiously, "A trip to a Burlesque thing?"

"N-no!" Ireland unfortunately blushed a fiery red, "If we go to Brighton Beach, right…It'd make it up to you guys!"

Germany facepalmed, and Italy kissed his cheek because for once, Germany's face was directed at the floor. Now Italy could reach him! Yay! I noticed that I wasn't the only one taking skilful photos, Japan was too!

"How do you propose we get there?" asked England tiredly, "And I'm not paying this time."

"No problem!" Ireland beamed. "I can just do this."

There was a sudden pause, and Ireland ushered everyone outside. She grabbed the Italian brother's hands, and raised them to the sky.

"Faoi chumhacht ollmhór le Dia, Tabhair dúinn mionbhus!" and there was a loud gust of wind. Silence.

"Catholics..." muttered Germany, and Japan nodded in agreement. What was that supposed to mean? Catholics are like totally cool, everyone is cool! Unless you don't wear skirts. C'mon, even my HORSE wears skirts.

Besides that, shouldn't they be more freaked out she just spoke some garbley poo thing? Oh right. Irish.

There was a loud crunch, and there was a bus. It was on top of the poor old woman's car.

"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" the old woman roared. Ironic. Poor lady. Like, totally, I will get China to tell her his wrinkle killer recipe first.

"Ireland! You can't just pray for a bus!" yelled Northern Ireland and England at the same time.

"C'mon brother, you know you wanted one. And also, England, you SUMMON things." Ireland pointed out. "Now, I'm driving. Any issues with that?"

There was a silence.

"Uh, no, other than YOU CAN'T DRIVE!" yelled America.

"I can drive so bad that Mister Pringle will lecture you and~"

"RAPE YOUR SOCKS!" finished France excitedly, and everyone raised their eyebrows. I sighed. Ireland was driving, and that was final. Dear Lord, I now confess to any sins I have commited.

Switzerland exchanged a glance with Liechtenstein. Beaches mean swimming. Swimming means leaving things on the sand. Things means gun. Leaving a gun around means stolen gun. Switzerland knew that was bad. And Liechtenstein would do anything to keep her big brother happy, so...damn I'm clever!

"HOLD ON!" something hit me bigger than Russia ever could. "What, are, like, you guys thinking?" I stared at them all. They looked horrendous! All covered up and...urgh...

"PASTA!" exclaimed Italy, and Germany facepalmed. Wahey for facepalms!

"Um, no. You guys! We're going to a beach, and you're dressed so…prudishly! C'mon! Live a little! Now, go upstairs and change." I pointed upstairs, "If it makes you feel, like, any more fabulous, I'm getting changed too."

I grinned.

"Preach it, mon frère!" yelled France, and I air high fived him. I put an arm around Lithuania.

"You're not, like, escaping, Liet."

And so I dragged him off upstairs. I had to put on my cute little pink summer dress. I wouldn't get any strange reactions. I'm too fabulous. More fabulous than Prussia is awesome. Awesome is so 20th century. Liet, however, would DEFINITELY wear that sweet little skirt and fabulous baggy white shirt. And one of Liechtenstein's bows…aww…he looked perfect!

"Poland, I'm not too sure about this…" Lithuania frowned, looking in the mirror, "I don't think it really goes with who I am!" 

"What are you talking about, sweetie? You're cute and so is your outfit." I comforted him. Aww. Poor Lithuania.

"That's not what I meant…" he replied uneasily, his legs tightly squished together. I pecked him on the cheek.

"Oh, Liet, what would you do without me?"

I smiled. Perfect! He was complete! Now, to check on the others. Emo people at beaches = no.

So off I went on my magical quest to sort people out! First thing first! France was taking care of England and America, right…so that's done! Now, Italy should be sorting out Germany…

But Spain and Romano definitely needed help. Like, extra totally fabulous help! I barged in. Noo! What were they wearing? A suit? To the beach? Recipe for disaster much? No!

"You guys. Do you have any idea, like, how weird you'll look? At a beach, in a suit? That totally sucks! Spain! You're relaxed! You have totally fabulous pirate-y clothes. Or fabulous stuff. Yeah! So come on! And Romano, the suit would get ruined!" I exclaimed, and they looked shocked (I like to think they looked totally pleasantly surprised) to see me in their room.

"What the hell? Get out a of here, bastard!" Romano yelled, and I patted his head semi-affectionately. Aww, little angry pizza man. He had to make a delivery once, and I don't think he got over it when I lectured him for not wearing a sweeter outfit as a chef. He could have the ladies and men like *click* that!

"No. Besides, you need my advice. Trust me." I rooted through their clothes drawers, and I found some totally acceptable outfits. You know, nice t-shirts, baggy shorts. I wasn't going to push them. I had to, like, gently ease them into the whole dresses and skirts thing. Besides; I had to look the most fabulous.

And with another triumph, I only had a few more people to go to.

Something was telling me I shouldn't visit Russia and China. Trying to force a really old nation and some crazy guy with a pipe who my psychologist told me to stay away from to dress up nice wasn't exactly, well…

Anyway, continuing! Who do I have left? Ah, yes, Switzerland...no. Liechtenstein would totally dress him all nice and pretty. Maybe she made day pyjamas or something? That'd be totally sweet! :)

Ireland. Damn prude. Perhaps she'd easen up and dance all the time if I corrected her outfit! I banged open the door, and she jumped. Luckily, no one else was in the room. Hungary and the rest of them seemed to be dressed fine, and Russia spent more time with China than he did with Ireland.

"What the…" she panted, her hand on her chest. I can't believe she finds something as totally cool as surprising people weird. She prayed for a bus. Who does that?

"Ireland. You. Need. Help." I sighed, and looked at the shorts she had picked out, "You aren't dressing nice."

"I can't afford proper clothes. They got taken off me about a month ago by the council. I spend money I don't have sometimes." She explained sheepishly, and looked at me in the eye.

"Ireland. You're quite sweet. So I will lend you my clothes."

"But you're a boy!"

"Um, I dress more girly than you."

I returned with an amazing little green skirt and off the shoulder white top. Similar to Liet's, except, well, more Ireland-sized. Ireland hid under the bed, and put on the clothes. Aww, she was a dear, really.

She looked quite young. I'm sure that sweet look will do her a bunch of favours. Innocent big green eyes, innocent gingery hair, a lovely accent. Aww.

I felt satisfied at this. Now, only people left…Prussia and Canada.

I creaked open the door. I'm sure they'd be dressed okay, but a few improvements could possibly be made. You know…

The only thing is? Half their clothes were like strewn on the floor…uh oh. No, wait! I shall write a play, so perhaps I could write a play with Hungary, and steal England's Shakespearian prose skills.

Here we are.

Prussia tucked a lock of Canada's hair behind his ears, and kissed him on the forehead softly.

"My Birdie, my little piece of awesome…" he said softly, and ran his hands down the Canadian's back, "I think you're damn kick ass." That was a compliment, but I really wanted this to go in the more cute direction. Hot stuff is for the beach.

"I think…I think you're maple-worthy." Canada replied sweetly, and my heart went _awwwwww! _

Prussia pressed his lips to Canada's. As they continued to kiss, and it got deeper, and deeper, and deeper, I felt a bead of sweat run down my forehead. Every moan that Canada let loose made me think.

This was amazing. Like totally.

Canada's hands knotted in the silvery hair of his partner, and he slid down the wall to sit down. It was a really sweet-hot thing. Like those people in Japan's comics with chocolate cake.

I shut the door softly, and I saw Ireland behind me.

"Can I talk to them for a minute?" she asked sweetly, and I literally grabbed her bony shoulder and turned her around. This would go down in history. Poland prevents major disaster.

"I better remind you how to drive."

**I found that quite sweet, to be honest. The little PruCan there which returns more prominently next chapter and the one after! I'm sorry, but Poland had to have his shiny bit. I love him so much now. I am quite happy at the way it's heading. I was keen on the idea of them going out somewhere; I thought that was really awesome. And plus, I'm ecstatic with the way that Ireland is trying hard to put things right. Well, as hard as she can.**

**Quick update! This chapter was a little…cute, right?**

**It wasn't really a filler as such. Because it had PruCan and other stuff in it.**

**Yeah. I hope you like! **** I will try to update soon!**


	16. Chapter 16

**OMG GUYS.**

**I'm like so totally sorry for not updating D: D: D: I feel like a total fish. BTW, last chapter IS a chapter XD don't know why I said that, but whatever. This is a chapter too. It's not very funny, but zere is that small smidget of la-la.**

**Anyway, I had to meet up with MP's (did you hear about Libya? One of the MP's of England came to my house after the emergency meeting, I'm not even joking. It's really serious; I can imagine it being an epic!Hetalia vid in a few years) and I had a gazillion exams and I must retake my science *B***

**Anywhoo, yeah, thanks for the lovely reviews! I'm not sure EVERYTHING can happen in this chapter, but I do think they'll get to the beach! 3**

**Lol.**

**Warnings: I'm not going to tell you, but generally speaking, you should assume the worst in terms of 3 and language. It's M.**

**Disclaimy thing: I disclaim. I own the plot. But not Hetalia.**

_Also, I am very sad for Japan. Please do pray and donate and anything you can do. If I mention earthquakes or tsunamis, it is NOT related to the Japan earthquake. It's just because earthquakes have been mentioned so much in my head that it's difficult to get them out. Plus, other countries have been affected. I feel for them; in England we never get earthquakes like that, thank God (no offence if you don't believe in God)_

There's No More Room in The Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 14 (yeah I'm back on track!): Brmmm**

Germany had honestly never face palmed harder. Getting Ireland to drive was a ridiculous thing to do. She would most likely get drunk and crash into something, causing a worldwide earthquake.

Thankfully, it seemed that Germany wasn't going to be the only sensible one around. England had a similar thought going on in his head; what kind of wanker would let Ireland drive? 

"I propose we have a back up plan." England pointed out, and Northern Ireland nodded in agreement.

"Quoi?" asked France, and England whacked him across the head. Ireland got pissed off.

"Hey, France is my friend! Don't hit him!" she snapped angrily. It is true; Ireland, Canada, and France, have a very close relationship; both in terms of culture, politics, monarchy (or lack of thereof) and history. It's a friendly, mutual bond.

"Merci beaucoup, Ireland!"

"Anyway, who would like to drive in place of Ireland in the occasion she gets drunk?" England continued, frowning at the idiot nations being idiots together forever. Honestly; Flying Mint Bunny had more common sense than them.

"Me!" Italy said immediately.

"That's an awesome idea!" Prussia's eyes gleamed. Mwaha. Little cute Italy was an awesome driver. He knew that other cars would 'disappear' whenever he wanted to move lanes…

Canada, however, wasn't too sure…he suddenly realised he forgot sun cream. In Canada it was quite cold and he decided the unpredictable English weather (hopefully not a 99% Chance of Shitstorm) might fry/soak him. He also thought he should give some to Ireland, because as much as their friendship had hit a bump, he didn't particularly want fried Ireland for breakfast, and knowing English cooking and Irish pissed off-ness, it was entirely possible.

"Um, I'm going, er, to g-get some sun cream, eh?" and unfortunately, no one heard him. So everyone went into the minibus.

"Yo, Artie! C'mon, sit here! At the front! Dude!" the annoying American voice from the front of the bus was literally forcing Arthur to go sit with Alfred. So England sat down, and America put his arm around his shoulder.

_Bloody hell, it can't get any worse…_

"Bonjour, Angleterre! I'm going to sit behind you~" an equally irritating French voice belonging to an even more irritating Frenchman was very close to him. France was breathing…on…England's neck. That was embarrassing.

"Like totally, Liet, c'mon. Sit nice! Come on…it's not like I will put this on YouTube or anything…no, that's not a –live-to-YouTube- light…Liet, I'm totally sure, you can, like, trust me….100 views already? Wow…"

"Germany, Germany, Germany! GERMANY! Russia is too near me, ve!"

"Aggh, Italy…"

"SHUT UP, POTATO BASTARD!"

"Italy, you're going to become one with me anyway, so might as well get it over and done with, just like China, da?"

"I keep telling you, I'm not part of Mother Ru-"

"The first stage is denial, da?"

Unfortunately, all the seats were taken up. Disaster! Canada jumped on the bus, and gasped in horror. Where was he to sit? He couldn't sit without a seatbelt! That's practically suicide! You can't stay safe with an Irishwoman (no, France, just, no)…

"OI! BIRDIE!"

Matthew's eyes shone.

That was so, so sweet...the eye thing, not the obnoxious oi-ing. Japan whipped out a drawing set, and, with great interest from Italy, he started to draw a manga of a hopeful looking Canada.

"Yes?" Canada wandered over to Prussia, who was sitting next to…who was that? Oh, right, Kujabo…no, wait. How did Kuhji even get onto the bus?

"Kumajirou saved you a seat. Well. The awesome me put him on the seat, and told him not to move his ass off that one place until Mattie comes. You, Canada, are Mattie." Prussia grinned widely, "Now, Kumajirou, get off that seat and let Birdie sit down."

Kumajirou slowly shook his head, with a slightly perverted look in his eye, and said quietly,

"Wrong type."

Prussia frowned, "What do you mean? I am telling you with my awesome voice, get your ass off the seat so birdie can sit down. Wrong type of what? Fritz sake, get off that seat."

"Yes, wrong type of what?" Canada frowned. There was nothing in that sentence that could mean anything else…

"And told him not to move his ass off that one place until Mattie comes." The perverted bear repeated. He had spent too much time texting Pedobear. Thankfully, Prussia was too caught up in himself to notice, and Canada was simply too innocent.

"Well, birdie, seems as if the bear won't move. I guess you'll just have to sit on me." Prussia grinned widely. How his smile was so huge confused Japan.

"…gah!" Canada squeaked, and was pulled down straight onto the albino's lap, just as the bus kick started.

"IRELAND! YOU ARE BREAKING THE SPEED LIMIT!" roared England.

"Love me, hate me, don't you see what I see?" sang Ireland, obliviously. There was a bang as it…broke the sound barrier?

Romano and Spain's tomatoes hid themselves in shame. They could never be as red as Matthew was at that moment in time. Nor could they be more loved.

Matthew shuffled around slightly, trying to get comfortable. Kumajibobobo was staring blankly up at him. He was sure that there was something extremely gross in his eyes. Nothing physical. Something mental.

Gilbert gasped at the sudden movement, biting his lip. Matthew didn't notice, no, not at all. The little oblivious blim blim, he was indeed adorable.

"What's up with Gilbert?" muttered Antonio, and Francis used his Bad Touch/Friend Trio psychic sense to answer:

"…oh, little Canada turns him on."

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!" that really, really loud laughter from Romano interrupted their chain of thoughts. That guy…how did he read the thought train?

Matthew moved again, turning and twisting all the while. Why couldn't he get comfortable? It was insanity! Simply insanity!

"Mein Gott," hissed Gilbert, and Matthew turned his head.

"Are you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"Hell no! I mean, er, it's fine. Just try and get your awesome self comfortable, birdie. That's what matters most."

"Well, if you say so."

At the front of the bus, poor Arthur was practically being assaulted. French neck perving, which didn't even make sense, and Alfred trying to bring 'Artie' into some sort of hug. A perverted, tight hug.

Gilbert finally let out this increasingly loud groan, and Matthew blinked.

"Are you car sick? Do you get ill?" he asked, concerned. Matthew, why are you so dim at times? Why. WHY?

"Nein, Matthew, NEIN. Fuck, just shuffle around and stuff. It's awesome." Gilbert breathed out lowly, and suddenly, Matthew caught a bout of pedo.

"How is it awesome, Prussia?"

"Because…err…."

Finally, Canada was in control. Ha! He turned around fully, and locked lips with the Prussian who was so close to him. It honestly felt amazing. It was just a few hours ago when they got so close to…

Does Gilbert wear Vaseline? It felt like it. Matthew didn't need to. Hooray for Canadian maple amazingness!

BRIGHTON: 2 MILES.

_Gott, GO AWAY, BRIGHTON D:_

Matthew tentatively raised his hands to stroke Gilbert's hair. Soft, soft, soft…Matthew felt his curl being tugged, and gasped. That was so, so…he hated it when people pulled his hair. But in the words of Francis; kinky.

If the kiss had ever been deeper, Matthew would eat 20 pancakes in one go. Maple syrup…God, even that seemed dirty now…

Canada was way more rebellious than America could ever be!

Maybe.

Okay, perhaps not, but at least Canada was GETTING somewhere with Prussia. America couldn't even hug England properly! Even if he did, pedofrance was always there to steal England.

YOU JUST ACQUIRED: 1 ENGLAND! WARNING: AT RISK OF PEDOFRANCE.

Gilbird was sitting on Kumajiro's head. Aw.

This was being filmed by Poland. Under instructions from Hungary.

And the best part? Ireland was at the front. Driving. If she interrupted, everyone was royally screwed. They'd crash! Even if Italy didn't take over.

**Well, there we are. KINKY, non? LOL I didn't like this chapter, I'm in a serious mood. I had to play Toxic and Circus to write this ^.^ **

**When I crack that whip…lol, I can just imagine France singing that. SMACKDOWN.**

**Did you like? Pull me up on spellings if you want; I'm tired! Reviews are really lovely. The last chapter IS a chapter. I just babbled for ages.**

**Sorry for the late update DX**

**Lalalla.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Oh my holy potato, I am so sorry for not updating. Feel free to like, murder me or some crap like that….D: I've been really busy, like, I've been in France and shizzle….yeah…and also my internet kind of went Hitler on me so…no, literally, it blocked the search "Jewish" so I got a detention for RE D:**

**I better get on with it, yeah? **

**But here's a little warning: This features funny temper loss, love, awkwardness, and….omnomnom.**

**Warnings: I don't want to give any spoilers, but always, always, always expect the worst. I kid you not.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Hetalia, this story would be being sold in manga form. I won't keep you any longer.**

_Btw I'm making a manga on deviantart ^.^_

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**Chapter 15 is nameless.**

Matthew was quite frankly shocked that they were all alive. He thought that England would've been bugged to death by France and America, and likewise with the other nations and their relations (a bit of rhyme? No time). And the fact that, well, Ireland had driven like a maniac, and not crashed.

"All right, everyone! There was a very nice old lady and I stole- I mean, she gave me the key to her little beach house for…ever…" Siobhan scratched the back of her head awkwardly. It wasn't as if she hadn't stolen before. She had a missile from Russia, the first ever chip McDonalds made, England's gold from Spain, Spain's gold, a bit of the support from the tower of Pisa (it wouldn't make that much difference, would it?), the gamecube prototype from Japan, a China Town, oh, and a bulb from the Eiffel Tower.

"You finally did something useful!" joked Northern Ireland, and Ireland giggled.

"You shouldn't steal!" Arthur reprimanded.

"I wish you'd have said that back in your pirate days," Spain muttered bitterly.

"Anyway, yeah! It's open to any of us because…no, let's be honest here. I forgot to lock it when I went to see it last night." Siobhan confessed. Japan realised that she must've been planning this for quite a while. It was all far too perfect.

But Japan's thinking was interrupted (once again) by a loud American.

"EVERYONE OFF THE BUS!" yelled Alfred, standing up. He was holding a gun, and pointing it at everyone (Switzerland: That's my gun!).

"Holy crap! Are you for real, hamburger bastard?" shouted Lovino, earning a pat on the head from Antonio.

"No, I like scaring people sometimes ." Alfred shrugged, and he got smacked across the face by Arthur. WIN of all wins!

"Hamburger wanker! Dear GOD, you're like Russia crossed with a drugged up Switzerland!" England shouted angrily, pointing an accusing finger at Alfred.

"Don't refer me to the commie!"

"For the last time, he's not a communist anymore! Dear Lord, Alfred, do you really want our relationship to be like mine and the frog's?"

"What, fucking every other night, sometimes twice when you get drunk? Sure, I wouldn't mind that!"

"O-oh…you absolute tosser!"

"You're in denial; you really do want a taste of Florida…"

"That's enough!" yelled Ludwig, "we came here to enjoy the trip and British culture, if you want to go and gang bang, then go to France!"

"Doistu, I saw gang banging in your magazines once, ve!" Feliciano said proudly.

"I-I…." Ludwig stuttered, "YOU READ THEM? MEIN GOTT!"

There was a very awkward moment, as they all staggered off the bus. It turned out that Ireland had chosen not to tell them that she drove across the bit of the road that had recently broken down into pebbles. Consequentially, the bumpy ride made their legs feel like jelly.

Matthew felt like jelly for a very different reason. His self restraint had kicked in, and he slowly realised that on the bus, he had given the rather satisfied Prussian…a…lap dance. He cringed at even thinking of the words.

_But Gilbert didn't mind. In fact, it seems like he liked it a rather lot…_

Matthew shook the truthful thought away from his head, blushing like crazy. He frowned as quite a lot of people went off to go sunbathe.

"Oh, Siobhan?" he called, and Siobhan turned her head straight away to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want sun cream?"

"Nah, I've already had skin cancer a few times. I think I'm immune." She said the words with such cheeriness that Matthew was shocked. She had almost died quite a lot of times, as a result of skin cancer.

"I-I don't think it works like that…" Canada made insulin. He knew about stuff like this, and you couldn't be immune to skin cancer.

Prussia suddenly appeared. He opened his mouth to say, "Oi, birdie. I need some. Haven't you seen how pale I am? It's awesome."

Ireland took a deep breath. Finally. Liechtenstein had decided to spend some time with Sealand and Latvia, so Switzerland was by himself, and…? As selfish as it seemed, she wanted to have a decent conversation with the guy. She always said something stupid, jokey, or asked for food (which she never got).

It was ridiculous, really. She could never finish anything; she'd always start it but never meet the end. She hummed _The State of Massachusetts_ in her head, as she approached the rather trigger happy guy.

He was leaning on the wall, polishing his gun, looking rather pissed off. Ireland looked at it closely, and saw that there were finger prints on it. Hamburger crap was on the handle…oh, so it _was _Switzerland's gun that America took!

"Hey, Switzerland," she said formally, smiling, "what's with all the anger?"

"Nothing," he replied edgily, looking as if he could kill Russia. It wasn't very difficult to tell that Switzerland would convince other nations to come to the mountains, and shoot them all. Ireland was in a very difficult situation; but she was far too reckless to care about her own safety, "Why do you care?"

Ireland went red, but frowned, "You don't look as if nothing is wrong. I care because I don't think it's a good thing to let you get angry when you're too damn close to a gun."

"I wouldn't want to use it anyway. There's too much of that American's hamburger crap on it."

"Since when did you swear?"

"Since when did you act your age? You're old, aren't you?"

"I'm younger than England."

"Are you sure?"

"…not…really…"

Ireland scratched her head, and stood up. She grimaced.

_What would…er…Cuba…do in this situation?_

"How about an ice cream?"

"Oi, birdie, come on! I'm practically FRYING right now, and damn, that is NOT awesome!" the Prussian called, holding the door to the hut thing open.

"I'm coming!" Matthew replied hastily, ignoring the perverted look he got from his PMS-ing bear.

When Matthew stepped into the hut thing, he was quite honestly amazed at how nicely decorated it was! Ireland sure had a good taste…where was the usual scruffy wooden stuff she had in her own house?

"It's nice, isn't it?" commented Gilbert, "I never thought that that girl would do something useful, y'know? Like that Russian bastard…"

"Mm. It is pretty, eh?"

"Yep. Now, birdie, I need some of that sun cream. I burn an un-awesome red, and it sucks."

Matthew held in a laugh as he imagined Gilbert being bright red. He let a giggle escape, though, and cursed. Why was he so girly? It was a bit…aghh…he held out the bottle, shaking with silent laughter.

"What is it? Have I got something on my face?"

"Y—ahh…"

At that moment, the door crashed open, and if it was Ireland, both Matthew and Gilbert would probably just kill her there and then. There were more potatoes in Germany, anyway. But in fact, it wasn't Ireland at all.

It was America!

"YO DUDES! I have music for ya! Because, y'know, Mattie doesn't like swimming much and, well…actually, let's be honest here, Artie didn't want me to play my _modern crap _around him. So, here's some music, right? Oh, let's play Carry Out. Because I know that you guys don't like Ireland and she doesn't like that song so maybe it'd up the mood, because you guys look damn depressed."

"Alfred, we're depressed because you are NOT considerate!" squeaked Matthew angrily, and his twin literally blanked him and walked out the room, causing Matthew to drop the sun cream, spilling it everywhere. He swore angrily, and Gilbert smirked with amusement.

_He's so funny when he's angry…and cute…_

"Now I have to clean it up!" the Canadian exclaimed, digging around for a cloth, which he found.

Prussia would offer to help, but the truth is: when things are messy, he tends to feel more at home. And if he's lucky, he would get some today, and, he wanted to get some feeling comfortable, else they might as well get France to watch, with Japan and Hungary.

Matthew bent over to clean up the sun cream, muttering angrily. When he was almost finished cleaning up, he complimented the fact that the owner of the hut had chosen to have this little bit of floor made of wood, not carpet.

Ireland caught sight of America and England when she went to get Switzerland an ice cream…they were doing something inappropriate (kissing. She was just being prudish). She wondered if she should do something, but when she saw Russia and China doing the same thing, she let it go. She may be an idiot, but she wasn't suicidal. Having the superpowers, her mortal enemy, and some dude that makes everything on her back was not a good idea.

She returned with chocolate ice cream, Swiss chocolate, hoping it'd be fine. But what did she see? Some girl pretty much throwing herself at Vash! Hell no! It was **her **job to cheer Vash up!

She marched over, looking quite silly in her cutesy attire, before demanding, "Who the bloody fuck are you?"

"Oh? Me? I liked Vash, and I guess the only way to get to know someone is talking to them." Her voice was like Eliza Doolittle's. Switzerland looked mildly irritated, but then again, he always did.

"Hmph. What if he doesn't want to talk to you?" 

"That's not the impression I've been getting."

"Doesn't seem as if he's had a chance to talk, what with you talking all the feckin' time." Ireland bit back angrily, even though she was spurting pointless lies now. Honestly, Vash could talk to anyone.

"Maybe he doesn't want to talk to you! You talk a lot. Maybe he should come talk to me instead. You're annoying. He's hot. Doesn't work."

A normal boy right now would have jizzed in his pants by now. Having two girls argue over him, one in a bikini (stranger) and one who was quite feisty, was every teenage guy's dream (not really). Vash wasn't reacting in a positive or negative way. Although he was wishing the both of them would shut up and the bikini one would put some clothes on.

What happened next was literally quite comedic. There was a smudge. Ireland had smushed the icecream in the girls face, putting the cone on her nose. Numerous people started laughing, and Vash stared at Ireland, then the girl, bemused.

"Looks as if someone shat on your face." Ireland spat bitterly, getting extremely angry, very stereotypical. The girl bitch slapped Ireland before running away. Ireland yelled a bunch of swear words at the girl.

"What the hell was that?" Vash demanded, before grinning, very, very smally.

"YOU SMILED! CAUSES FOR A CELEBRATION!" Ireland sang, grabbing Vash by the hand, and hauling him off the floor, making their way very slowly to the hut thing.

Matthew gasped and stood up, bright red.

He turned to Gilbert, mortified, "You pinched me!" he accused, pointing a finger.

"Your ass is awesome, and you expected me not to?"

"…thank you, but seriously! You can't just p-pinch someone's butt, that's crazy, eh!"

"Kesesesese, I know you liked it. I've always seen you as a bit of a masochist."

"…WHAT?"

"Well, you don't get on with your brother and you're always with him. And Cuba always beats you up, totally un awesome, but you still insist on being his friend. And that douchebag Ireland is damaging to the brain, and you seem to kind of be her friend. And your parents were England…and France. That is going nowhere good."

"Wait a darn second!" Matthew protested hotly, "England was more like a brother to me!"

"But he was with France." 

"True…I mean…!" Canada mentally slapped himself, not particularly caring that the fish in the Great Lakes would get quite annoyed.

"Tell me…America has picked up a few unawesome habits from England, right? So, have you picked up anything from France?" Prussia inquired a strange gleam in his eye. And there were no pedobears present. He subtly turned the music down, and smiled when he realised America had slammed the door shut.

"Like what?" Matthew asked warily, cringing again at the memory of the bus trip. The Prussian approached him, so close that Matthew could see the darker flecks in his red eyes. But it all went fuzzy when he felt his 'friend' slide them off his face. Matthew frowned. It would be funny, this sight, because he could just see a pale blob with a white blob at the top, and red splodges in the middle of the pale blob. It would look like one of America's attempts on Japan's drawings; a complete and utter fail.

Though, now was not the time to think of that, because he could've sworn he heard Gilbert say "French kissing."

That didn't matter, though, because that was what was happening!

_I hope no one got the wrong idea before, when I was getting changed and Gilbert was stuffing his face with those pancakes I made him…half naked…I heard someone outside our door…sounded like Poland…and he's got an overactive imagination…_

Gilbert's lips felt kind of warm…but kind of, well, strange. You know. He has spent pretty much the entire of his life fighting, until Russia came and Prussia mysteriously disappeared for a while…

Either way, Matthew was quite happy to be making out with Gilbert. It was maple-worthy, that's for sure. Again.

Gilbert knotted his hands in the Canadian's soft hair (ooh la la, so he _had _taken after frère France), and deepened the kiss quite eagerly. He frowned…where did he put Mattie's glasses again? Ah, fuck knows.

When Matthew moaned, Gilbert smiled, which was a strange reaction, because, well…it doesn't matter, it just was. Gilbert wondered about their height. As awesome as Gil was, he wasn't the tallest guy around, and Mattie was a tiny bit taller than him (he was America's twin and his country was fucking huge, not as big as Gilbert's own 5 metres, but big all the same.). But Matthew somehow looked a bit smaller, but that didn't matter.

In seconds they were on a neat (immediately un-neatened) sofa, intent on pretty much kissing all the time.

_Ah, fuck, this is awesome! Mattie sure is hot, he's like a girl, hahahahah! I could just eat him up…oh…that sounded dirty, but whatever, it's not as if I'm Mr. Jesus or anything. _

_No. Do not bring religion into sexy times._

Gil broke away, slowly playing with the buttons _(yay) _of the Canadian's shirt.

_Kesesese, it was definitely going to be best when birdie begs for it, saying my name again and again, because it is that awesome. _

Prussia was on top! Yay! He had a mental celebration, that is, until Matthew spoke in what could only be described as a voice than normal, his eyes dark,

"Stop teasing." He said sternly, "It's mean."

_Gott, that is kinky, am I right? _"I'm sorry, Mattie…I'll do anything to repay you…"

Matthew wondered with amusement if this was roleplay of some description, before muttering, "That's good. You're cool."

"Would you say I'm awesome?"

"Yeah, I guess…" he answered between kisses, blushing.

"Can you say it?"

"Yes." 

"Say it."

"You're awesome."

And with that, Gilbert stopped messing around and slid Matthew's shirt off, leaning in to kiss his neck-

The door crashed open, and it wasn't Ireland. It was Alfred and Arthur. More like, them crashing into the room, pressing up randomly against a wall.

That wasn't it. Germany arrived, carrying Italy like a bride, followed by Russia holding China (who looked freaked out), Japan and Greece, and Ireland…with…Switzerland?

They all stopped kissing their partners

_Except Ireland, who seemed to be…hugging…Vash, muttering something about a party, and the hug was a little too close…_

"WHAT THE FUCK?" numerous people exploded.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" demanded England, nagging Canada.

"That's no fair! You're messing around with my brother! You were like my brother 200 years ago, and then, bam, we're not related!"

"GILBERT! WHAT THE SHNITZEL ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm older than you, west." 

"Ireland?" they all exclaimed. She held her hands up innocently, causing Switzerland to bite his lip. What were her intentions?

"Ahh, he was happy for once. I was going to have a party. But you guys seemed pretty preoccupied." She paused, before noticing lots of people were topless. She covered her nose, and there was a popping noise as she fell over. Vash stopped her crashing to the floor, but frowned when he noticed the blood on her face.

The door creaked open again. As if things couldn't get any worse.

_Please don't be Sealand, please don't be Sealand-_

_FRANCE! _

"BONJOUR! I knew you could not resist the temptation of an orgy~"

**Bam. Bam. Baaaam! I see a cliff hanger! And they've discovered each others' relationships! My hands smell like cannabis, -_- I don't even touch drugs…D: wtf…:S Again, I am literally sorry for the crack and lateness and fail sexy times of this.**

**D: I'm so sorry! I BE CRYING! D: Sun cream is what we call sunscreen here in my area of London! **** actually, I'm pretty sure we call it sun cream in most parts of England. Sorry about my fail.**

**This chapter was so very long, I apologise. And Ireland's jealousy is very dangerous.**

**BTW, I think a good UsUk song is American Boy by Estelle ^^ I listen to all music (mostly punk) *HINT HINT* AMV *HINT HINT* link me if you've found one XD**

**Sorry for not replying to the reviews if I haven't. Just ask questions here! **

**happy holidays! Well, we're on holiday in England.  
BTW YES I HAVE KISSED SOMEONE (more than once, I'm a ho!) so I do know about a bit of this crap XD**

**DO YA HAVE ANY MONEY?  
I WANNA SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY  
AT THE GAY BAR, GAY BAR GAY BAR!**

**(let's start a war MOTHER RUSSIA!)**

**I've got something to put in you!**

**At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I am so sorry for the long absence, I feel absolutely ****terrible! Please forgive me! It's actually for very serious reasons (a loved one passed away…) but I'm okay, so…it's really not fair on you guys, but now I'm in the mood to write something. Before I was too down…D:**

**I think this chapter is gonna have some oohla, but…!  
Warnings as usual.  
I disclaim Hetalia.**

There's No More Room in the Bloody Inn!

**C****hapter 16 – I feel electric**

That was pretty much the worst beach trip any of them had been too. Well, maybe that was a bit melodramatic, but…it turns out that the girl Ireland had lashed out at out of sheer _envy _was a popular singer, who was famed for going to that beach every day. Thus, Ireland was wanted by the police, which would cause trouble.

But now she was quiet. After the strange day, she was quite tired, and also, her brother had gone home. That made her depressed.

The interrupting scenario. Ah, once again, peace has been disrupted.

Gilbert was very, very angry deep inside. What the hell? How dare those un-awesome idiots interrupt? They're old! Canada's young! They can go have their damn lovey-dovey crap somewhere else! It was getting hot, and it was in a nice beach house thing!

But it didn't matter; they were back now. And that was all. But America was lecturing them, badly. He called it lecturing. It was actually childish tantrum-ing. It was immensely boring, but some people evidently found it entertaining.

"…and it's absolutely not fair! You guys are just jerks! You can go kiss any time! I don't think Iggy will ever let me do that again! It's only because I spiked his drink-"

"You did WHAT?"

"Not now, old man! Continuing, you're just selfish! First your land, then your resources, then the oil-"

"Stupid American. Oil is a resource, da?"

"Shut up, commie! As I was saying, then romance! You're all horrible! France! You killed the mood! And Matt, what the hell were you thinking? Gilbert? REALLY? That's terrible!"

"Problem?" Gilbert took the opportunity to do his trollface smirk. Oh, man, he let his stare drift casually over to Matthew, who made eye contact, blushed bright red, and then giggled nervously.

"Prussia. If you are that stupid troll on the internet that Italy keeps pestering me about, then Gott in Himmel-"

"GERMANY? GERMANY? IS THE TROLL BACK?" Veneziano wailed, clutching the German like his life depended on it.

"Germany?" England looked up from his Poirot book, "You encountered that troll too? I thought it was the American git."

"Oh? Maybe it's both of them, then…" Japan said quietly. It was true. He made a valid point. Germany face palmed.

"Aww, don't be a jerk, Artie!"

"Shut up, wanker."

"Aiyah! These countries are so uncivilised, maybe I should get some of my-"

"Oh, China, you don't have to do any work! Honestly, the human rights in your country are in a terrible condition, you gowl!" Ireland suddenly said, after also burying her head in one of England's books. She didn't look angry. She looked softened and sympathetic.

"Ireland, da, why are you always so concerned about China? He is obviously in a better state than you!"

"I got voted the best human rights…I think…and he's having trouble with them! You guys are boring. I'm off…with a branch…where's the nearest pylon?" she suddenly snapped back to annoying-angry Ireland, replacing her earphones to continue listening to some Irish Punk music. She was still wearing her beach outfit. (Poland smiled).

Canada perked up. If Ireland was going to go exploring, obviously there would be some kind of chain reaction. Then, maybe he and Prussia could be left alone…no one would notice Canada didn't follow, and everyone knows that Gilbert and Siobhan don't get on, so why would Gilbert go?

Ireland stood up, and went outside.

"She's so stupid, ja? She is wanted. Why would she go outside?" Prussia rolled his red eyes, and for once, people agreed with him.

There was a pause, and a rattling noise.

"Oh, shit! Oh, no…wait! I am strong enough…" Ireland's voice was softened, but it was still easy to tell she was frustrated, "Aha!" Triumphant Ireland? Was that even possible?

England stood up warily, "what is she doing…?"

"Burn, baby burn! Ha!" Ireland cackled, and there was a strange squeaking noise. Like letting the air out of a balloon very slowly.

"Since when does burning make that noise?" inquired Spain, standing up. Romano joined him reluctantly.

"I don't know, but it sounds cool!"

"OH YEAH! If it busts the wires, then England will be in a financial crisis too! Ha! And then I'll get Johnny back…oh, that'll be all so damn great." Ireland sounded quite evil, which interested Russia, who slowly got off the chair, dragging a exasperated China with him.

England's eyes widened, "For God's sake! IRELAND! YOU BLOODY WANKER!" he ran outside.

"Oh honhonhon…! If he gets lost, it will be my chance…!" France's face darkened with perverted evil, and snuck out to follow the Englishman.

"Oh man! Artie! Come back!" America yelled, dropping his hamburger on the carpet with a squidge. He followed England very quickly.

Prussia quietly sat down by the window, which was new. He looked out of it…wow, that stupid Irish girl was very loud. The pylon was a long way away! What was she doing? The branch was smoking!

"America…you do not go anywhere without me, da?" Russia crept after America, dragging the Baltic nations, Poland, and China with him.

"AIYAAHHH!" shouted China, trying to get back. He had no interest in Ireland's idiocy.

"China? China? Oh my, perhaps I should follow him…" Japan stood up, too.

"Japan? Where are you going, ve?" Italy jumped up, and trudged after Japan. He wasn't evading or retreating, so it was quite slow.

"Italy! COME BACK!" Germany roared, following the suddenly sprinting Italian outside.

_It's like some sort of chain…_Canada thought to himself. He never thought something like this would actually happen, but it did!

"No way am I letting fratello be alone with the damn potato bastard! COME BACK, you son of your mama! And that is an insult, have you _seen_ your mama?" Romano shouted angrily, and ran after the 'Potato Bastard'.

"Oh? Romano, come back, my tomato! Te amo! We can all go and have some churros at that nice Tapas bar nearby, and talk it over! We'll be gone a while!"

Spain ran out too.

Canada was very excited. As the last of the people filed out, including Ukraine, Belarus, Sealand, Switzerland, and Liechtenstein, Matthew knew they were going to be a while. And Gilbert was still here, just as predicted! He felt butterflies in his stomach. Perhaps…they could continue what happened before? That would be brilliant!

Gilbert was watching the branch, though. He didn't notice Canada go a bit France-y and decide to shut the curtains and lock the doors, with **Do Not Disturb **being put up.

Canada pushed up his glasses, and picked up Kumajiro.

"You know, you are a pervert." Matthew reprimanded his treasured polar bear.

"Who are you to say that?"

"It doesn't matter…to you…anyway. Go upstairs and hang out with Gilbird, eh?" Matthew smiled softly.

"Hey…you're not stuttering anymore! That's one more step to becoming a defined country!"

Matthew felt a bubble of pride. At least the bear could notice achievement. "That's a good thing, right?"

"I guess…"

Matthew sighed, blinking his lilac coloured eyes. He pushed up his glasses. Maybe the bear was always half asleep…he watched it go upstairs, wondering whether he should put his stuff away so that Kuma…thing…didn't go through it.

Meanwhile, Gilbert had opened the window to see what was going on. It was amusing. Everyone was yelling and shouting, and instructing. People were holding phones and jumping around madly.

"…I'll call the police!"

"Stupid! THIS IS FUN!"

The Prussian had to admit. He should film this. All of a sudden, there was a buzzing noise, and a grand bang. It looked like that English television show, Doctor Who. There was a flash of white-y blue. The branch had pretty much disintegrated in a blue zap.

There was a bit of screaming, but it appeared that everyone was okay. How could such idiots ever represent, no, _be_ countries? Mind you, the branch's explosion was pretty cool. He wished he could've filmed that. It was beautiful!

_Not as beautiful as someone else…_

It was fortunate everyone had moved back. America had warned them; he knew about things like this, thankfully. Sure enough, there was another bang. A red fire roared up and the wire broke, chucking out black, thankfully non toxic, smoke.

Everyone was fine…but they were all calling emergency services.

Gilbert shook his head. They would be a while. He shut the window again, and closed the curtains.

There was a creaking noise.

He looked up. The wooden door opened.

Matthew smiled awkwardly, and sat on the maroon cloth sofa, opposite the armchair that Gilbert was sitting on. He looked around the room nervously. The fire was crackling even though it was hot, and it started to rain.

Wait. Why was the power not off? Of course! Solar power! And plus, maybe the pylon didn't go to this house. It was quite a way away. Gilbert was proud to be able to see it.

The room was very English. Wooden shelves and floors, leather bound dull coloured books, lamps, pictures, photographs, tables, more shelves of alcohol…oh, and a little piano and a guitar. It was quite low ceilinged compared to Arthur's other house, which had incredibly high ceilings as a posh Victorian manor.

Matthew shook his head. He was alone with Gil. Why was he thinking about furniture? Even if it was nice…

"Hey birdie." Gilbert said lazily, leaning back in his armchair. Matthew looked away. Why was he so embarrassed, after everything?

"I'm fine…"

"Good to hear. What do you think about the day?"

"Oh, not much, really. It seems that no one is really using their common sense, eh? Although it's not really my place to say…" Canada blushed when he realised he had finally vocalised his opinions instead of just being polite.

"Nein! You can release your feelings whenever you want. It's not awesome to keep them bottled up." Gilbert said wisely. He wasn't just cool. He was full of wisdom; all those years of battles, research, history and power had done him good! Because today's Germany is really just Prussia, isn't it? Or…?

"I…I…" Matthew bowed his head. He usually contained his feelings quite well, unless he was in immediate danger…for example, when he was around Cuba. It was pretty dangerous to be around that guy.

"You never complain, do you? Mattie, you never start the complaining. Someone else has to complain, and then you respond. And even if you do start it, it's always because you've got injured. You never just whine." Gilbert stated observantly.

Matthew was surprised that Gilbert was paying such close attention to him, and that he could ever notice this. Why was he acting like this? Furthermore, Matthew did complain, especially regarding Cuba and his own brother…

"You don't need to worry about me, Gil." Matthew told him softly, pulling his hands inside the sleeves of his baggy red hoodie. No one told him, but Gilbert thought he looked rather endearing like that. And vulnerable.

There was a period of silence. But the mood was changing, changing so drastically…but Matthew was slow to catch on.

"Matthew. How are you?" the Prussian inquired, and Matthew blushed lightly. It was an innocent enough question, but Gil's stare was intense for once.

But he didn't reply.

Gilbert stood up.

"How are you?" he repeated, stepping closer. Matthew inhaled deeply, but again said nothing.

Gilbert walked closer and closer, until he was right in front of Matthew. The latter felt his cheeks heat up, and he blinked innocently.

The albino bent down, until he was nose to nose with Matthew. Matthew felt his heart beat so very fast, and he bit his lip for a few seconds. He could see his friend, no, more than that, his partner's eyes extremely clearly. He could see the dark red tone, with lighter red flecks.

He gasped suddenly. A pale hand had reached up to the top of his head, and slowly pulled on the curl. Matthew felt his stomach twist, and he felt a rush of that…that feeling…he was bright red by now, flustered, his eyes half closed.

Gilbert opened his mouth, and began, "I said…"

He whispered against the Canadian's soft, slightly parted lips, "How are you?"

…**And there we have it! **** I thought I had writers block, but now I'm in the mood! Cliffhanger, lol. I'm sorry for the random time skip, but it was pretty needless to say. They all had to go straight back home; not really much of a timeskip. I'm going to get Ireland to leave soon.**

**Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them! Oh, and thanks for showing me that American Boy AMV/slideshow, that was really good! **

**I have awesome music to listen to when I write smexy scenes *I have actually grown up quite a lot due to recent events* so it's all good ;)**

**I will try to update as soon as I can, but I'm going away to Wales in a couple of weeks…or less!  
Have a nice…time?**


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